In tears, I knew what the Lord was telling me to do. Every reason I came up with to disobey Him the response was always, “Choose Me.”
It sounds so simple but I was failing to choose the Lord every time I reached for my phone. I chose to scroll through thousands of Instagram posts over asking the Lord to guide my team that is out doing ministry. I chose the infinite line of announced proposals and pregnancies on Facebook over reading scripture and carving the Holy Word of God on my heart. I chose scrolling through profiles of extremely toned female athletes and gym fanatics over abiding in the Vine of Jesus Christ and rooting my identity in Him.
I felt disgusted with my body image and simply dissatisfied with the dull life that surrounded me.
I know what you might be thinking, How can you be dissatisfied? You’re on your 9th month of traveling the world! But this is what the enemy does, he makes a perfect gift from God seem like a broken, second thought. Let me explain how I even had the space to fall into this sin.
It was a dark and gloomy Sunday evening in Vidin, Bulgaria when the vicious plague hit another member of team Baby Aslan.
That’s an exaggeration. But it was really cold outside and half the team I am with was already sick. We had a stomach virus and other sicknesses spreading around 7/8 people living in our apartment.
I was up all night long getting wrecked by this insane stomach virus.
For the entire night I was sprinting to the bathroom every half hour. SPRINTING.
I was in bed for the next 3.5 days because that night made my body extremely weak. During those three days of rest and recovery, I hardly ever left my bed. It started out with me innocently catching up on what has happened in the lives of my friends, family members, and supporters. After that it turned into something so much darker. I began to numb myself. I mindlessly reached for my phone almost every minute that I wasn’t already scrolling through Facebook or Instagram.
I was on social media so much, there wasn’t time for me to rest and recover in the Lord… and that was when my conviction started.
One of my goals for this month was to pray over my thoughts daily. All of our actions begin with a thought and I want the Lord to completely take my thoughts captive. I was choosing to step away from this goal every time I reached for my phone. I knew I needed to repent from this disobedience ASAP. So, I sat with the Lord for a few hours this morning and completely poured out my heart to Him. Like the Israelites were commanded NOT to do so many times in the Old Testament, I forgot the ways of the Lord and selfishly turned away from Him.
Choose Me.
That’s what we have to do every day. We have to choose Him.
So, in obedience to choose Him, I deleted my Facebook and Instagram apps. I’m not sure for how long it will be for, but I know this is what I need to do to recalibrate my eyes and heart back on the One I was created for. I will also be choosing to do more of what I love by writing more blogs, reading more books, and making more videos.
What is your choice?
What I’ve been reading lately :
Extraordinary Means by Robyn Schneider
