My arms have turned to mush. My legs are tired after a flight of stairs. Bloated is an understatement. I run out of breath in a game of tag.
I once lifted heavy weights; spending hours in the gym to perfect my body. I did everything from yoga and kickboxing to cross-fit and pilates. I wanted to see how strong I could get , how fast I could run and how skinny I could be. Running became more than habitual. It was more of an idol; one that made it okay to eat five Pringles or heaven forbid a piece of chocolate cake! Even on the morning of my departure flight, I woke up at 4:45am to ensure I would be on time for the 5:00am intense body-sculpting class (flipping tires, hurdle jumping and abdominal exercises that will make you cry). I truly believed that I would be able to maintain my exercise routine during these 11 months, maybe not in the same way but at least to keep the poundage from accumulating around my hips. That has NOT been the case. Exercise in any form has been few and far between. I began my month in Guatemala determined to make working out a daily ritual and for the first few weeks it was. My teammates and I would run a few miles one day with an intense circuit the next. It was high priority on my list and I would have it no other way. Nicaragua was full of six am, beautiful, extremely humid morning runs on the island with manual labor shortly following. Panama is where the running, Insanity and “Brazilian Butt Lift” took a nose dive into the three-day-a-week pattern. And then it was time to begin month four in Thailand; a land known for its uniquely crafted food. I can count on one hand how many times I worked out but I lost count on the fourth day of how many meals we were served. My body was changing and I did not enjoy any minute of it. I have been an exercise fiend since the age of 12 and did not rejoice in the stark contrast between where my body was and what it was becoming. Cambodia brought my obsession to the forefront. My body image has weighed heavily on me for most of my life and it was time for it to subside. This nation broke my heart and lead me to be consumed with God’s image and not my own. His opinion is the only one I am chasing after. Seeing the broken hearted, physically beaten and injustice that consumes this nation made me realize that gaining a few pounds to further His KIngdom on this earth is more than well-worth it. It is exactly what we are called to do.
>Abs of steel: These abs of mine have become nonexistent. But my heart is becoming more and more like David’s in his unfailing faith in The Lord. Here we have a young boy taking on a mighty giant who is physically superior. Goliath is the guy in the gym checking himself out in the mirror as he lifts a dumbbell the size of my yellow lab; putting his self worth in his biceps. David, to me, would be the athletic soccer player who is not the biggest but his agile nature and smart-play prove to be a deadly combination. So the two came head-to-head in a battle of the ages.
But David replied to the Philistine, “You are coming against me with sword and spear and javelin. But I am coming against you in the name of The Lord of hosts, the God of Israel’s armies, whom you have defiled.” 1 Samuel 17: 45
With God on his side, David knew he was the clear victor. And with my mind captivated by His presence, these abs can take a backseat. Rather than being sore from an intense workout, they have been filled with stomach cramping laughs from my squad mates and I am perfectly okay with that.
>Triceps to die for: I once had a personal trainer scream to the class, “These will give you triceps to die for!”. And during that time I fully believed that if my triceps were defined, I would be happier. But the strength in my triceps is nothing compared to the change in my encouraging words to others much like Timothy’s. In 1 Thessalonians, we find that Timothy was sent to encourage and strengthen the church in their faith. During times of anguish, the followers would be able to look back on these words so that they would stand firm in their beliefs.
“We sent Timothy, our brother and fellow worker for God in the gospel of Christ, to strengthen you and encourage you about your faith, so that no one would be shaken by these afflictions. ” 1 Thessalonians 3:2-3
Much like Timothy was filled with the Holy Spirit, he was lead to speak in an emboldening way. Month after month I find myself continually surrendering my prideful nature that makes it difficult to speak words of life into others. I now find complete enjoyment in reveling with others in times of success and pray that I will continue to be a person of encouraging words.
>Lean, mean, fighting machine, legs: I enjoy running. Though it looks vastly different on the Race from running at home, I always enjoy being able to get out and see the world from this point of view. It has been such a blessing to be able to run in almost every country. After graduating from college where I was an athlete, it was difficult to get out of the “you must run for a certain time or run until you vomit” mentality. I challenged myself with 10k’s, half marathons and a full marathon to ensure I would not be “that girl” who became a couch potato after years of athletic stature. I cannot believe my legs have put up with me all these years! They have been pure muscle for most of my life but as I look down, they sometimes seem unrecognizable. But what my legs lack in strength right now my hands make up for in belief. I truly believe that the God we serve is one of miracles. Not only miracles but of healing powers. Just as Peter and John walked through “the Beautiful Gate”, I find myself in similar situations every day; walking amongst the lame.
But Peter said, “I have no silver or gold, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, stand up and walk! Then Peter took hold of him by the right hand and raised him up, and at once the man’s feet and ankles were made strong.”
Acts 3:6-7
We do not pass by without notice, we stop to pray. We lay our hands upon others and know that in the name of Jesus, anyone who fully believes in His power can be healed. Just as Peter and John had no doubts that God worked through them, I find myself doubting less and less. It is liberating to have been in a place where I did not fully believe in God’s existence to being fully aware of His healing nature. My legs may have changed in appearance but they remain strong. As I run, God leads me to pray fervently while showing me the needs of each nation; always stopping to pray for the least and the lost.
Image will be a struggle when returning to the U.S. But unlike before, I feel fully prepared to combat it with all He has taught me.
Future Racers: There will be many times on this journey where you will have to choose between continuing a long, sweaty run or stopping to help a 65-year-old woman carry logs. You must choose between the Insanity workout you have longed for or to sweep a child off their feet in a loving embrace. Choose wisely.
*Ironically, as I am writing this, I am enjoying a cashew nut salad =)
