Chile experienced a terremoto (a large earthquake) in September right before we were scheduled to leave Bolivia and travel there. There was a lot of uncertainty about what we would be doing-disaster relief, regular ministry, or maybe even something else that hadn’t crossed our minds. Thankfully Chile is very prepared and experienced limited damage from the earthquake and tsunami that followed.
Instead my hometown in South Carolina is the site of a national disaster. I am experiencing what it is like to be thousands of miles away from home and receiving pictures and texts from loved ones evacuating their homes and their things being destroyed. I am learning (again) what it means to put the people I love the most in God’s hands. When all I can do is pray, but still have that feeling of helplessness. When all I want to do is go home-not because the race is hard, but because I want to be there to help.
I have learned that I am a Martha, through and through. I am a do-er. I don’t like to sit around and wait for someone else to do the work-I would rather just get it done. Sitting for long periods of time is hard for me and the best way to get me to talk is if my hands are busy. When the ability for me to help is taken away from me I panic, freak out, lash out at everyone around me which is exactly what happened when I heard about the damage back home. Now I am learning (again) what it means to be a Mary. How to sit in the moment with Jesus talking to him instead of cleaning the house, preparing food, and setting the table. When Martha complained to Jesus about Mary not helping he replied, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41,42). The best thing that I can do to help out back home is have a relationship with Jesus. I can share my fears, my worries, and my ailments with him and leave it at his feet to not be picked back up again.
When I love someone, I love hard. For me that means that I hurt when they hurt but I don’t want to ever change that. What I am learning to do with that pain is to give it over to Jesus. This process is hard and will continue long after the race is over, but the best part is that I get to do it with a God that so much bigger than all of it. That loves me no matter how stubborn and Martha I am. That accepts me for who I am, but wants to refine me into something even more beautiful.
