Something the Lord is continually teaching me on the race is how beautiful I am. During month one we had an exercise where we wrote down lies and scriptural truth to debase them. We took turns standing on a bench and shouting the truths. Well, everyone except me. I did manage to stand and step on top of that bench, but I couldn’t bring myself to shout them out. How could I yell out a truth that I didn’t even believe? Beauty is one of the biggest lies satan has taught me.
Month one-El Salvador
Outer beauty is something that I have struggled with my whole life. Now don’t get me wrong, I grew up with an amazingly affirmative family but my heart never truly accepted the truth. I didn’t realize how much of an issue this was until I met my boyfriend. I already don’t know how to respond when someone compliments me, but when he says something about my beauty I have always felt awkward. How do I respond? How do I allow him to say something I don’t believe? About a month before the race, I finally broke down to my mom (who is also one of my best friends) about the whole situation.
Month two-Guatemala
Looking back on my life I see evidence of that lie. I cannot stand shopping because then I have to try on clothes and look at myself in a mirror. I am constantly worried about how much I weigh and if my clothes will still fit. I rarely wear a lot of makeup because what is the point? However, since that moment with my mom, God has slowly worked on and in me and has led me to a point where I can stand the truth.
Month three-Honduras
One of my teammates has a passion for photography. She wanted to bless my team by doing photo shoots for each of us individually. My first thoughts were, “Oh no, there is no way I am doing that!” “What will I even wear since I have gained the world race 15 and none of my clothes fit?” Eventually, I begrudgingly scheduled my shoot but really it was just a personal sacrifice to make my teammate happy. As we walked around the compound I exclaimed “I am such an awkward photo taker!” My teammate just brushed off my comment and proceeded to make me laugh and relax. I still was not looking forward to looking at the finished products, but when she sent some of them to me I couldn’t believe it!
Month four-Nicaragua
Who is that gorgeous girl?
The king is enthralled by your beauty (Psalm 45:11)
That really can’t be me!
All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7)
While I still struggle with believing I am beautiful; the Lord and I are working through it. One of my squad leaders spoke over me at the beginning of month three how God is going to teach me what it means for Him to be the romancer of my heart. I still haven’t figured it all out, but when will I ever? Everyday is a struggle to beat down the lies I have lived with my entire life and refresh the truths that need to be watered.
I want to leave you with one more scriptural truth to cling to in closing:
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalms 139:14)
*Feel free to comment with more scriptural truth about beauty. Or maybe your own struggle with the lies satan has fed you and the truths you use to combat them!
