First of all, I apologize that I haven’t written until now. Last month, although it was one of the most comfortable months, was a little more difficult to process. I spent the month working shifts in a café, tutoring an amazing woman getting her doctorate in physics, and walking around a University talking to college students. It was difficult to feel at times that I wasn’t on vacation, living in this beautiful city and spending our days off going to the zoo, riding elephants and bamboo rafts, and going to the movies. It was a lot like being at home (well minus the riding elephants and bamboo rafts), but still it was hard to stay focused on why we were there.
I think at first I told myself, I will be able to share my story with so many people and be able to lead them to Christ. All they need is the gospel. Why I am I surprised, that just like every month, God does something completely different than what I thought. Our ministry last month was to plant the seeds. Because of the Thai culture, you can’t push the gospel on these students because most of them would either not listen or get offended. Thailand is a country based a lot on tradition, and Christianity is not a tradition, it is radical and new. I had to learn to be patient and realize that it was ok that we weren’t going door to door spreading the word, because we were able to do something that Christ did so well, love the people. We got to laugh, play music, teach, and work alongside amazing men and women that were ready for planting. Christ gave us a seed to plant, and we were able to use our stories, our journeys to plant that seed.
There were times during the month that I felt so useless, and yes I did get to the point when I wondered if we were making a difference at all. I got so consumed with the shopping and having coffee so readily accessible. I began to look at the comforts and forget that I came on this race because God was calling me to live an uncomfortable life. Then, we had the incredible opportunity to go out to the village that our ministry host, Emmi, grew up in. We met up with another team that was already there and got to see a light shining so bright. It was so beautiful to see the glow that this team had that could only be given by our Father. No one is the village is a Christian. Let me say that again so you really get it…NO ONE. That really blew my mind a little. We were told that we would be harvesting rice during our time in the village. What a wake-up call. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sore in my life. We woke up the next morning from harvesting for about 6 hours and could barely move. As strange as it sounds we needed it. I needed it. I needed God to kick me in the butt and remind me of what I was supposed to be doing, serving. I forgot what it had meant to serve selflessly. After getting back from the village, I knew that I needed to change something. I was able to spend more time talking to Emmi and really getting to know her heart and be able to really pray for her and her ministry. I had to have that reminder that it was not about me.
My last day in Thailand, I was able to have lunch with one of the students I had met at the beginning of the month. I really didn’t think I would have the time because I still had to pack, but I had made a promise to her, and I knew that she came first before my own agenda. God wanted us to talk that afternoon. I was able to share my story and who I was before I accepted Christ. As I was telling her I realized that I was talking about how I used to be lazy, selfish, worrying about everything, and thinking that I had to do everything on my own. I was so proud. As I was telling her these things, I noticed that some of these character traits that were in my past started to show through during the month. Wow talk about convicting. My eyes started to fill up with tears as I told her about forgiveness and the love that our Father has for us and how He saved me from my sins and how I will spend eternity with Him. I felt God speaking the same words to me that I was speaking to her.
At the end of the conversation she looked at me and I asked her what she thought. She looked at me and said, “I want that.” I was able to pray with this wonderful young woman. I know that God has great plans for her and she was so willing to take that step, to die to herself to live for Christ. There is nothing so beautiful. I felt so incredibly blessed.
So there you go, a month where I lost myself, God reminded me of who I am in Him. I started reading through John with my team, and challenged myself to look at the character of Jesus and really take it to heart, because if we are supposed to live our lives like Him, shouldn’t we get to know who He is? Dig in. Look deeper. Get to know our Father in an intimate way. He desires you.
I am still challenged every day, but that’s what I am here for. He never says it’s going to be easy. I accept the challenges because I know without them I can’t serve where I am called to serve like He would desire. He always knows what He’s doing. I pray that you will trust that too.
