How do I even begin to process through this month in Haiti? Since day one I have had this feeling in the pit of my stomach of being uncomfortable. We all know that comfort can mean so many different things to different people. For instance, for me, a hot cup of tea and a good movie is my idea of comfort. This month has been no cup of tea (please excuse the cliché saying). The second week we were in Haiti, we were robbed of some belongings and our security. Then, a hurricane/tropical storm hits as we are supposed to leave. I have already said I know this month will be one that I look back on and have such joy knowing how much I have grown in every situation, but it doesn’t mean it’s made it any easier to find some peace. Why is it that our Father reveals so much stuff that we need to put out whenever we are most vulnerable/emotional? Doesn’t He know that I’m in a crazy place right now? I know, I know, silly question. Of course He does.
I have been thinking a lot about a bridge that we had to cross every other day to get to one of the churches we were working with. I will never forget the first time we had to cross it. I stopped dead in my tracks. This bridge was not made out of concrete or wood or brick. Pieces of tin had been laid on top of each other with railings on either side. I suppose there was some welding that was done at some point in time, but the years have not been good to this bridge. You could tell it’s been through some trials and had some struggles. There were holes and gaps and rust on some of the pieces of metal. Let’s just say it didn’t look safe. You had to watch where you stepped because of the loose pieces sticking out (yes I did cut my toe one night). Looking down from this bridge, you won’t see beauty. About 20-30 feet down, there is a small river that runs. There aren’t fish in this river but trash floating down stream. The trash begins where the bridge begins. A mountain built of trash. It doesn’t matter if it’s paper, discarded clothes, even luggage, they all find their home at this place. I came to this bridge the day after we were robbed thinking, hoping, that maybe I could find my Bible amongst the litter and things forgotten. I watched as the goats, pigs, and turkeys scavenged through the filth trying to find something to eat. Every time we came up to this bridge my heart was filled with sadness. How could you see this as beautiful? How could we feel safe crossing something like this?
I see this bridge in a different light now. A lot of times I see this bridge as the bridge that I have had to walk to get to Christ this month. It hasn’t been easy. I have had to watch my step and I have almost fallen a few times. This bridge has wear and tear. This bridge is sturdy and solid, yet I felt scared to cross it because of what lay below. Trash. My trash. The trash that I have had in my heart and my life for as long as I can remember. This month I have felt pursued by my Savior. I have fallen in love with the Lord and found so much rest and comfort in His arms, my Bridegroom. He has called me His beloved. He has brought me over to the other side of this bridge. I have crossed this bridge and He has taken the fear away. The trash is no longer something to be scared of, but it’s something to release. I know after this month I will never be the same. I have the precious blood of Jesus that covers me. I have the love and protection of a Daddy that will never abandon me. My trash is His trash. My heart is His heart. Gosh it’s only the end of month 2. All I can say after this month of going through so many emotions, trials, mess ups, joys, and real/raw moments is, PRAISE THE LORD.
