“Jesus Loves” is a poem the Lord inspired me to write this last summer. I was driving home from Rock Ridge in Ely (my first solo road trip- four hours there and back!) when different phrases began to float around my head. I visualized “There is no title or shame that relieves me of my shame except child of God”, “When the enemy thought he had won, Jesus left the ninety-nine to find this one. And one thing remains with the Son”, and “Jesus loves me, this I know. Not because the Bible told me so, but because He’s so pushy with His love”, just to name a few. I recognized this as a revelation of Jesus (for it has happened before) and exited the freeway as quickly as possible. Pulling over on the side of the road, I grabbed my notebook and scribbled each phrase, afraid I wouldn’t remember them when I got home. This happened twice, because as I was driving, the Lord kept telling me more.
A few days later I began to write and piece together this poem. In the first stanza I highlighted how I understood Jesus when I was a child- a simple faith filled with joy, peace, and all good things. Then, the second stanza began to reach into my hypocrisy as a Christian, how I began to idolize myself and condemn other believers. I had no plan when I started writing “Jesus Loves”, but I never intended it to talk about that. It was still a raw area of my walk with the Lord that I didn’t want the world to know. Even so, I kept writing into the third stanza, hoping that it’d get better.
It was at this point that I began to not like this poem. Jesus led me to write out my convictions of how I was no better than anyone else, showing me the scripture to cite and the words to say. One line He gave was that I had “killed through anger” and “raped through lust.” Now, I’m not a literal murderer or rapist, but I hated those lines because they reveal my sin the most. Considering the words in Matthew 5:21-30 about lust and anger, I’m on the same level as “the bad people”. There have been multiple times where I have let my anger for someone dominate my life for years on end, and I can’t remember a time where I didn’t struggle with lust. Anger and lust have been my heaviest chains and deepest shames.
I still kept writing and finished the rough draft, but I had no intention of sharing “Jesus Loves” anytime soon. My other poems talk about how the audience or a third person need Jesus. I didn’t like that this one referred to me, so I buried it deep and focused on writing different poems. These aren’t bad (one of them was “Dear Friends”) but they weren’t what the Lord really laid on my heart.
Overtime the Lord broke me down about “Jesus Loves”, so I decided to print a copy and kept it in my daypack. I took it everywhere with me before I left- to church, to the beach, to coffee shops, even to my friends houses. The Lord wanted me to say “Jesus Loves”, but my opportunity didn’t come until a few weeks into my life in Cambodia.
In my third week I approached Christian (my teammate) about saying a poem on a Sunday night worship. I told him that all I needed was the song they wanted me to say the spoke word for, then I can write one to fit that theme. However, Christian got back to me the Friday before worship. When I asked what he wants me to say, he said “whatever the Lord told you to say”.
Well, that seemed pretty obvious. I pulled out “Jesus Loves” again and began to study. Opening this word back up was super scary! I was still nervous to speak, but every time fear came the Lord gave me comfort. When I was afraid my words weren’t worth saying, the Lord sent me a teammate to read my work. He not only encouraged my poem but even gave a couple corrections that made the poem more like Jesus. When I felt like I didn’t have enough time to study, the Lord gave me more time. When worship was about to start and I was overwhelmed with anxiety, the Lord brought my teammates over to pray. He kept me close and gave me the courage to open up about my hypocrisy.
I messed up a few times in that video, but I wouldn’t change a thing. This was God’s idea, and everything I said was straight from Him. Right now I am working on a new project with one of my teammates about Love and Fear. Please pray about this and the people of Cambodia, that everything my squad does will give glory to the Father above.
~CLS
