So,
to put it briefly, Satan is a jerkface. For real. I knew going into
this World Race journey that he was going to be on my heels from the
start, but I don’t think I anticipated all the ways in which he would
attack me. He truly is a crafty, devious creature and preys on our
points of weakness. He has been attacking me at my points of weakness
recently, one of the most difficult being that of safety. Even though
I’ve known about Christian martyrdom most of my life, the concept and
potential of being one myself has been looming in my mind lately.
I’ve even found myself praying, “Lord, please bring me back home in
a year alive.” Never mind the fact that so many World Racers have
gone before me and come back safely, nor that my God is the God that
conquered death and the grave, who created the entire universe and
has demolished entire cities. I believe Satan has been taking the
fears in my mind and blowing them out of proportion by presenting
thoughts to me that feed those fears (thus the fitting acronym for
the title – “false evidence appearing real”). These fears have
grown so great that my confidence has been shaken and I have
struggled with staying the course of the Race. However, when talking
to my dad (one of the most solid men of God that I am blessed to know
and also call my dad) yesterday, he asked me what my alternative to
going on the Race would be. I replied getting a job or
something…but he could tell in my voice that my heart would not be
in that. We concluded that the issue is not whether I am called to go
or not but how to deal with the fears I am facing. My friend Lindsay
and I were exposed to the concept of spiritual warfare relatively
early in college. I won’t go through the entire explanation of what
she and I have experienced and witnessed, but I will share the
conclusion that we reached: Just before God does something
spectacular, Satan attacks in whatever way he can to mess up or
interfere with God’s work. And usually, the intensity of the
preceding attack is about proportional to the greatness of the work
God does. Given the amount of attack that I feel like I have been
experiencing recently, not to mention how I believe Satan has been
attacking my team, I take solace in the belief that God is going to
do some incredible work in and through us over the coming year…and
actually, I think He already is. I watched a movie called “Furious
Love” with some friends last night. Directed by Darren Wilson, this
film portrays the darkness in today’s world and the power of God to
overcome it. It is quite odd to me that, at times of “rest,” I
find myself struggling most with going, but after watching films like
that, which scare many people, I find myself pumped up and excited to
go! A little while back, I began a blog post on “Security.” The
first statement I made was that the best way to be secure is to stop
seeking it. Christ said, “Whoever tries to keep his life will
lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.” (Luke
17:33) We are not called to a life of safety, but one of peril.
Souls are at stake! We can seek comradery from other people, but
they cannot ultimately give us the security we seek. We must instead
cling to the Rock of Ages, the One who is sovereign of eternity. The
last few months have been a journey of learning to trust the Lord
more than I ever have before, and while I do not know what this
coming year will bring, I trust that He has and will take care of me.
I can just see God rubbing His hands together in anticipation of all
the great things to come, and in Todd Beamer’s words, I say, “Let’s
roll.”
“For
God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and
of a sound mind.” – II Timothy 1:7
