Losing Control

Why do I still try to do things on my own? I have this rebellion, independent spirit inside of me that I listen to on occasion rather than the voice of my Heavenly Father. It's this little voice that tries to plan out the future, worries constantly, and tells me I need to search for my own security. It tells me to fight for who I want to be, take matters into my own hands, and that I know best. But this voice is dead wrong. I have memories including on the World Race where I choose to ignore everyone else's voice including Gods and to walk alone through something. Usually, I end up worse than I had started.  So this morning as I sit in our little home in the middle of Kathmandu Nepal, I'm wondering why.  His answer is trust. Trust: to believe in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of:

             2 Timothy 2:11-13

        This is a trustworthy saying:
        If we die with him, 
        we will also live with him. 
        If we endure hardship,
        we will reign with him
        If we deny him,
        he will deny us.
        If we are unfaithful,
        he remains faithful, 
        for he cannot deny who he is. 

Did you catch that? Even when "we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is." Jesus is nothing but faithful. His word never changes no matter what we do or our circumstances. So when he says I will give you guidance, never leave you or forsake you, fight for you, give you strength, comfort, satisfy, a full life, His word still remains. If I trust him to save my soul, I should be able to trust him with smaller things like money or future plans. And then I think when has God ever let me down? I can't think of a single instant when he told me to do something or to trust him and then didn't come through. When we say yes to him we get to experience life and life abundantly. I look at the last 10 months and although challenging has been the best 10 months of my entire life. Even just my time here in Nepal I have experienced things I could have never imagined. Last week I was hiking through the Himalayans, living and evangelizng to a mountain village, seeing more beauty than ever before and experiencing more love then I could dream. Life without Christ is instant gratification that quickly fades.  Life with Christ is fulfillment, hope and joy that outweighs anything I could ever experience on my own.  He loves us so intimately and gives us the best of life. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in The Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. God is calling me to a deeper trust. I should be able to follow Him blindly knowing he has what's best for me. He doesn't promise it will be easy but he does promise it's worth it. So today I will let it go, I will trust, I will follow, I will lose control.