I’m not one to put thoughts into words. Wait, let me correct that statement. I can easily express my thoughts on my opinion of others, a circumstance, others’ circumstances, and even my own reality. No problem, right? Yet when it comes to expressing my own heart and putting words to those feelings, the struggle is real. FEELINGS, NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS… (That’s wrong if you don’t know that song.)
I have a little over a week left here in North Carolina before I head off to North Dakota. (For the ones that don’t know, I’ll be visiting with my sister and her family in ND until I leave in January for the race.) I’ve definitely felt mixed emotions on leaving even though I’ve done this departure before. For the past few weeks I’ve dealt with a lot of guilt. Based on some people’s perception (not many), it looks like I’m running away from certain things or certain people or even certain responsibilities. And I’ll be honest, the questioning of just few people began to make me question my plans and my motives. My thoughts were: “You should stay in NC until the race because God isn’t done working on you with things and people here – two years isn’t enough” and also “You’re running away from the responsibility of staying close with your supporters and donors – they’re helping you for the race so you should step up your game of helping them”. May sound crazy to you but those thoughts of my flesh were starting to creep into my spirit. Then a few days ago I read a sweet truth: Isaiah 52:12
You don’t have to be in a hurry and you’re not running from anybody! God is leading you out of here, and the God of Israel is also your rear guard.
See why I love to be near Jesus and love what he has to say!? Because this chick who can’t put words to what her heart feels doesn’t need anything for help but the Word. When I read this verse I instantly received confirmation. Now that doesn’t happen all the time – I won’t lie and act like I’m some holy angel standing in a beautiful white dress who receives confirmation every time she feels the wind because it’s the Spirit talking to her. No no. But it was instant encouragement. Right then I looked back into the past two years and reminded myself of the restored relationships and also the new ones from being back here. As for supporters, you guys have encouraged me from the beginning to follow where He’s leading and to not be fearful of not doing enough. So from me to you, let’s look to Isaiah 52:12 for not only comfort but encouragement to move on. I know we are all in so many different situations but you can’t tell me that we all can’t find hope in this truth. This isn’t a fairytale waiting to come true. This is a promise for the here and now. Don’t be in a hurry…God is leading you out of your circumstances, questions, fears, and guilt… and He’s also got your back. When we’re questioning, Homeboy’s got us.
