For this girl here, she’s not a fan of sharing her darkest secrets or greatest fears. Vulnerability is a no-go. Well usually. But somehow I’m finding this weird thing called freedom in being exposed. That’s weird. I’ve been struggling with some news I’ve received from home lately. No worries, there’s no emergency. But somehow things seem larger than what they actually are when you’re continents away and your world feels upside down when you can’t do much. With that, Jesus has placed some questions in front of me and I’ve been able to reflect. So I want to share something recent from straight out of my journal. I mean why not, right? A journal is nothing personal! Pshh. Child please.
“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.” Philippians 4:6-7
[God who gives us peace – that peace passes any understanding we could ever have]
In Oswald Chambers’ devotion today, it asked what frightens me. It took a few minutes for me to think. Of course I could’ve said mice or roaches but I thought it’d be helpful if I went a little further. Really, there are not many things I fret or worry about. But there is one thing that has always frightened me; and it’s something most people don’t know. I have this great fear of my family being taken away from me immediately. I’m afraid that one day I’ll receive news that’ll change my life forever. That’s a fear because I can never have control over what will happen with the ones I love the most. To be honest, sometimes this fear wakes me up in the middle of the night. And it’s not easier on the race. There’s a funny side of this though or shall I say “the paradox”. I love change, challenge, discovery, and I even love when I have to sacrifice something. I’m transfixed by those things. I know, it doesn’t make any sense. And of course what I am drawn to the most also brings separation from family and a higher risk of my greatest fear coming true. Funny. But kind of not. Then Oswald asked what words from Jesus stop me in my tracks when I’m freaking out. And then I thought with this darkness of mine I know there has to be light somewhere. And then I looked at the verse above and found the light. That’s right! – MY HOMEBOY JESUS!
As I looked at Philippians 4:6-7 this morning, I looked at it in a new way for the first time. I’ve read this verse so many times but today, He used my reflection on my greatest fear for the scripture to finally hit home. You see, His peace passes any understanding I could have. I could EVER have! Hellooo! Whatever idea we may have of what surrender and calmness may look like, Jesus goes way beyond that and does even more in our hearts. We can’t even create the peace that He gives us. It’s literally beyond our understanding! It’s beyond any teaching and discipline we may have practiced in our lives to get over a fear of ours. It’s past and above our minds. And then there’s “praise and petitions” that we can give Him that “shapes our worries into prayer”. –My Jesus, PLEASE tell me what to do with those fears.- – Through His word, He’s talking to me. Like Oswald said, He’s stopping me in my track. My fear doesn’t have to weigh me down. That fear can become prayers! I don’t have to completely forget about them because that’s not possible. However, Jesus is saying to me “Give praise over these things, Cicily”. I am to give petition for what’s stirring in me. I’ve been told by Jesus that He empowered me to speak life over my fear. I’ve been welcomed in to see my fear be reshaped by His goodness. And my prayers that are sent to Him, He sends peace right back to me.
So yes, when I am far from home like I am now and my fear becomes larger than what reality actually is, I become uneasy and I want to run. I’m sure you have your fears too. I’m sure there are plenty of times when you don’t have a clue what to do with what’s going on in your head. But remember Jesus has already worked out what you’re worried about. He’s given us a torch to start waving all around in our darkness. And He’s given you the invitation to turn your worries into praise. I encourage you to become more vulnerable. With words, out loud, expose those fears to Him just like I did to you. Then start to see them turn into something fruitful for your life. I believe Jesus uses our fear for our inner beings to call out to its Creator – the One who gives back assurance.
“You keep thinking that God is going to use you through your strengths but the portal to His power is your weakness.” Steven Furtick
