Do you know the song “No longer slave”? There is a part goes like “I am no longer slave to fear, I am a child of God.” It is a song with powerful message and everyone in my squad loves and sings it often, but I didn’t enjoy worship the song because there’s a great fear inside me. During month four in Malaysia, God has helped me to overcome this fear. It was such a victory that I really want to share. For those who suffer from fear, anxiety, stress, or worries, I do hope my testimony will help.
God has challenged me a lot in the three months of Africa. He led me out of my comfort zone by asking me to worship in public, pray for strangers, preach, baptize with Holy Spirit, and share gospel. I felt more equipped to live in a “Ministry lifestyle” and lead people to Christ. Then this fear came upon me as I arrived in Malaysia as if I took 5 steps back from all I have learned.
I was afraid to share gospel to the Chinese people.
Here’s a little background about me: I was born and raised in Hong Kong for 18 years. I speak Cantonese and Mandarin. I remember the reactions and rejections I got from other Chinese people when I told them about Jesus. I hated it. I just didn’t realized those experiences stuck with me and the enemy use them to stop me from telling the good news. Chinese is one of the biggest populations in Malaysia, I hear the languages and see the signs from restaurant/shop everywhere. It was nice to use my own language to get around the city, order food, or translate for my team. I love the food and places which I am so familiar with. I just couldn’t talk to them about Jesus because I assume they would not listen base on what my previous experience. Then when I saw my squad mates were making connections with the people, I thought the locals rather talk to foreigners other than me who looks like one of them. Having fear is like pulling out a fishing net from the sea full of trash, it attaches with all the junk (overthinking, worries, anxiety, stress…….etc) and you feel like life is unbearable.
The most important part is how God helped me to overcome it. The solution is simple: God showed me the damages that fear could do and He simply removed it.
There are many cool stories of God using my background to connect with people which I will write another post about it. All those times when I was afraid to speak, God used the people and circumstances around to push me to take action. For example, I prayed for someone in Mandarin for the first time as I was encouraged by my teammates! A Chinese man was happy he got to speak in Cantonese with me and was curious about my faith! I became friends with a group of young Chinese and attended in their church. I saw amazing things happened just because of our common language. Then I realized my fear could easily stop the good news from sharing and I couldn’t let it to determine my path anymore. I am tired of seeing failure as the only outcome without trying. I remembered of my skydiving experience. The instructor asked me few times if I am ready to jump and how freighted I was, but fear was gone at the moment I jumped out of the plane. It was the coolest feeling ever! God often challenge us to do such crazy things for His kingdom, only He probably won’t ask “Are you ready?” because He knows we are.
The truth is you can carry fear and still pretend to live normally everyday or do God’s work, but why would you want that? The way I sing in the shower is exactly how I want to share Gospel. Just be bold and let nothing hold you back. Our value is not base on performance. God loves us when we were still sinner and we are worth dying for. You don’t need to prove that you are a child of God. Step letting your fear to control your next step! Give it to God and today could be the day you are set free.
