It was our final day of debrief – my final day in Lilongwe.
My team had just enjoyed a lunch out on the town, with a few other P-squad ladies, and was running a few errands on our way to guy/gal time back at Camp Mabuya. We stopped momentarily at an Internet café and waited outside for a few people to check last minute e-mails and contact information for our up and coming ATL month. Sitting on the sidewalk with Aubrie and Alexandra, we talked about what the Lord was teaching us, what it means to truly live out femininity, and laughed at all our crazy happenings that day. And then it happened…
It was as if I was in a trace or some separate realm. A blur blew past me and before I could spin my head around my body was up and sprinting down the sidewalk after an African teenager who’d just stolen my wallet + nalgene bottle – including my bank card and some of our squad cards. Today brought about a testing of my character as well as a giant need to trust.
I instantly felt violated and a rush of emotions overtook me as I continued running and crying out. “Give that back! Someone please stop that man!” He leapt over a wall and seeing his herd of buddies run up a hill to meet him, I followed, thinking I could cut him off. The wall got steeper and I evaluated quickly the option of jumping down a 15-foot wall and possibly breaking my leg was not worth it. I backtracked and began running again after this kid who’d officially ruined my day. He kept running and I lost him. Alexandra caught up to me and said to bystanders, “I’ll pay you if you catch him.” She shouted to a group of nearby men to help catch the kid.
At this point, I lost it. All the adrenaline that had come from who knows where instantly left my body, leaving me officially deflated. A flood of tears and lies smothered me – I could barely breathe. It was thick. It was heavy. It was nauseating. My whole face felt numb and I realized I was in shock. I felt like a failure. I felt hopeless and full of shame.
Thankfully God didn’t leave me sitting in this place…
I walked back down the alley and met Aubrie. We turned and saw four of our P-squad men returning from lunch. I hung my head. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I was just a woman. Dozens of thoughts and questions flooded me, “What if one of our guys would’ve been here? I’m so inadequate. All women’s team my butt…we’re helpless and stuck. Clearly I can’t handle this…etc.” I lifted my head and something broke.
The thick cloud of lingering lies made me dizzy. Chuck and Selena (our squad parents) appeared out of nowhere along with several P-squaders. Family had officially arrived. They hugged me and immediately sprung to action – doing the very things I was far too disoriented to do. They loved me. They spoke truth to me. They called the cops and rallied around me. “This is not your fault, ” they said, “You need to believe this is not your fault.”
I started to see a crack in the haze. There was light beginning to trickle through. A man named Henry appeared saying, “Please, please, let me help you. Speak nicely to me. I am here to help you. I know where his house is, the one who stole from you. Come, we must go to the police.”
After filing a report at the station, we prayed for Henry. Did I mention He’s been on crutches for 22 years….22 and never once complained about walking us across town to the station. He was full of life and support. He made me smile. He made us all smile. I realized in this moment that this incident was much bigger than me – and much bigger than a stolen wallet. Sure I lost a little bit of money – and sure I’d had logistics cards in my wallet to do them a favor at the bank that afternoon. Praise God we hadn’t yet withdrawn cash. Thank God all 3 squad cards + my personal card, could be cancelled and we had 3 spare squad cards to replace the deactivated one. Praise God that Chuck, Selena, Squad-mates + the Bunford’s showed up at just the right time. Thank God for Alexandra speaking truth at just the right moment. Praise God for Henry – a man who chose to serve us in a moment of being very vulnerable and helpless. Praise God my passport was with logistics safe at camp and not in my wallet. Thank God that a simple phone call home took care of all my personal items lost. Praise God for protecting me physically during this event. Praise God that JOY and LAUGHTER quickly replaced shame, failure, and fear.
The fog that tried so desperately to choke and suppress me had no choice but to flee quickly. The Lord supplied. The Lord protected. The Lord brought LOVE. The Lord will continue to provide!
“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:19
