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I received a word from my dear friend Johanny at her daughter’s birthday which encouraged me throughout the day as I went about the Lord’s business: Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go!”

It was a beyond ridiculous day – of walking, running, playing with the kids at the church/trying to balance house visits — and then came the bad news. I’d promised Antonio and his family we would visit this particular morning – and from the moment we arrived, I wished I hadn’t. Guilt and quiet conviction pierced my heart and clogged my throat, accenting the overwhelming cloud of cigarette smoke and the wind of alcohol on his breath. He kissed me twice on the cheek in his drunken stupor – and I felt dirty, discouraged, almost defeated.

Why was this man I’d watched with my own two eyes declaring his freedom – completely drunk at 10 in the morning — appearing to be the polar opposite of what he’d previously claimed? What did this say about me? Does it totally discredit the story? The words of Joshua 1:9 ring clear in this situation “do not be discouraged…for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” — Antonio’s behavior was not a reflection, in any way of my heart – and the LORD knows that, I just needed to recognize it as well. It’s easy to take on false guilt when we allow the enemy the satisfaction of entertaining our ears with his lies. Next time, I’ll be sure to tell him to shove it!

Today I had to realize that Antonio’s struggled in no way made me a failure – or him a failure, but rather were a good reminder that the journey has just begun for this babe in Christ. He’s on a journey toward son ship with Christ – and after years of flesh entertaining habits that consume his time, energy, resources, and dignity – he’s starting to walk out the reality that he needs to quit, and wants to quit – he just hasn’t chosen into making that happen just yet.

After praying for Antonio – and speaking the truth about his behavior in love, Jeremy (my teammate) and I went to visit Carme – a woman the Lord placed in our path through our friendship with Victor-Reyes. As we arrived at Carme’s house – the entire atmosphere (my attitude included) changed. What a beautiful woman, hungry for the Lord! We talked about freedom and the dynamics of having a relationship with Christ – she asked some basic questions about what this looks like – and then I felt the Holy Spirit nudge my heart to sing. This lady knew little/no English — and the only songs I knew to sing were in English – yet somehow, the entire time we talked, she hung on and seemed to understand every word – it’s as if the Holy Spirit was interrupting and translating the words from my heart into hers. It was beautiful!

I felt the Lord say to me “rise up worshiping warrior”, so I sang over her before we left…and I watched something in her countenance come alive. Healing waters washed over her heart this morning as the Lord sang over her – destiny, purpose, beauty, hope, and His love – her eyes full of tears she smiled and wept with understanding that far surpassed a young white girl singing about Jesus in the living room. There was something greater – something alive in this – the voice that called the universe into being was singing through me – and I could feel it – and He was singing over her, His beloved daughter Carme – and I could see that she felt it. When we choose to walk in courage instead of disappointment – we have the privilege of sharing moments of heavenly revelation with people. Had I chosen to wallow in my earlier disappointment with Antonio – I may have spoiled the opportunity to be a part of Carme’s healing and revelation of the Lord because my instrument would have been tainted and distracted.
Dios te bendiga!