Well, I have to start out by apologizing for the long delay
in blogging. I have been home from the World Race almost three months now, and
I haven’t written a thing. I haven’t let you know we made it home safely, I
haven’t let you know how life back in America has been, and most importantly, I
haven’t thanked you.
So let’s start with the most important one. I cannot thank
those of you who supported me throughout the past year enough. Whether it was prayerfully, financially, or through reading this
little blog, thank you! Knowing I had support coming from literally all parts of
the World kept me going at times, and constantly humbled me. On many occasions
God used your encouraging comments to truly give me a push when I needed it
most. By believing in me as well as the calling God placed on my life for this
season, you not only impacted me greatly, but countless lives around the World.
You were there with me in when I was ministering to teenage boys who
fight addictions daily. You were there with me in the homes of widows just
listening to them and loving them. You were also with me as God used me to love
on numerous orphans in almost every continent, and to even deliver a baby! You,
my supporters, along with the grace of God, made my World Race experience
possible, and for that I am forever changed . . in a good way I think.
Since being home it feels as if I have been going non-stop. After
resting up, getting semi- used to being an American again (over the course of
many meltdowns) and catching up with my family, I have traveled most of the
South to catch up with friends, which has been both refreshing and exhausting. At
first, the pace of things around here almost stood up to my World Race way of
life! Near the beginning of the race we would joke that, “In my real life . . .
” meaning that our real lives were in America. Slowly but surely though, the
race began to not only feel like real life, but we began to accept the fact it
had been all along. The same thing is happening to me now. In a weird way, I
feel like this past year never happened, and it is as if I suddenly woke up
from a dream which I remember snippets of here and there. I tell
stories from the past year and I catch myself living vicariously through them, longing for
this “dream world”. I am caught between two worlds. The past, and the present.
Both of them reality, neither of them actually a dream. You see, I don’t want to forget the things I saw God do this year, how He so graciously used me to do His work, the faces of those whom He put in my path, or the good times I had. We aren’t called to forget the past seasons in life though. However, I’m learning that, as Christians, we must cling to God more than we cling to them. I want to live in the present, being completely led by the Spirit, while having been transformed through my past which makes me see life in a new way. I am slowly learning to incorporate these two as one, and it’s a strange feeling, which makes for some very bittersweet emotions.
As you can see, it is difficult being home some days, and at
the beginning, most days. My entire life and way of living have been completely
flipped upside down. While I see some of these differences as being easily adaptable (toilets, my bed etc.), some of them are not so easy to get used to. I am
no longer in constant community, which is something I so deeply desire now. It
is also difficult when God places those people I met this past year, whether on
my team or through ministry, whom I love so dearly, on my heart. Those days I
would give almost anything to be with them, but realize I must fight for them
from a little further distance now. Even though I was so exhausted some days on the
race and felt as if I had nothing left to pour out, I miss it. I miss the
ministry. Other days, I am reminded that I have been given this season with my
family and it is so good. I am getting to be in the daily lives of my niece and
nephews, whom for most of their lives I have witnessed through pictures, over
the phone, or Skype. I am building new relationships with both my family and
the Lord, and this time is proving itself to be so sweet. I am finding my place while resting assured I am exactly where God wants me.
So, what’s next? Where will I be going now? What will I be doing? These are the questions most people have been asking since I have been home, and I’d be willing to bet
you are too. What I can tell you is that the things I have seen God do and the ways He has
radically changed my heart this year will most definitely have something to do with it.
Be praying for me in this area, and I will be sure to update
you on that soon!
