I wrote this about two months ago in the Dominican and didn’t post it. I read it again last night and It gave me some perspective on how God has been changing me the past few months and how rapidly he has been doing so. I felt it was necessary to share this with my supporters.
I am learning so much about myself even in the first few weeks of the world race. Things are starting to break off of my old self…starting to change. I sometimes wonder if I were to come home if anyone would recognize those changes as well.
Some of the things that I have realized about myself are that I have a stubborn nature. If an idea is not my own…I am very unlikely to want to be a participant in whatever said idea is. This has presented itself a few times so far on the race.
So a few nights ago half the men on my squad got together for man night. Since we spend most of the week living in close community with a lot of women, being able to have a night with just the fella’s is pretty awesome. What transpired that night taught me something about myself…
All of us are hanging out with our ministry contact for the month Miguel, who is a very Godly man with a crazy and wild personality, at his apartment. He also rents the apartment building next to his and uses it as an office. In that office he operates a cigar business to support local Dominican missionaries called Smoke ’em to Send ’em. So after going next door to make a contribution to this worthy cause we went on the rooftop only to be told that we’d be jumping across to his apartment rooftop. Suddenly my adrenaline was flowing freely…however, when it came my turn to jump….I could not.
This is the part where the lesson began. All the standard thoughts are running through my mind….death, fear, injury, embarrassment…what was wrong with me? Why could everyone else jump but not me? All my brothers are waiting on the other side to help me, encouraging me, yelling at me, wanting me to do it. As i’m standing there I realize that my stubborn personality is peaking it’s head out. When I’m faced with a challenge that I’m not too sure about and i’m being pushed to do it…game over. I can tell you it’s not gonna happen. That’s how I’ve always operated. I’d rather climb down and then back up the other side as opposed to taking the more adventurous, shorter route. That way I know it’s safer…that way I know it’s my own idea.
So skip forward about 5 minutes and after taking the long way over, all of us guys were talking and I just decided to share what was going through my mind on the other rooftop. And through me sharing a part of myself it provided a medium for the other men on my squad to not only see me in a new light, but to open up about their struggles.
Then Miguel asked me a simple question….”What is your motivation?” Hard questions like these are what keeps me thinking for days. My motivation should come from God alone and fighting for his kingdom….whatever that looks like. Whether it’s jumping rooftops or sharing the gospel. That is my prayer is that I will be increasingly motivated to jump into anything God has for me without a second thought.
