Well I have finally decied to let a secret out of the bag my team and squad know about and a few people back home but its been a big place of shame for me so now im getting it out there, cause I’m not a failure in God’s eyes and that’s all that matters.
So this past may I was supposed to graduate. I was takeing all the classes I need to take to graduate. In fact I was taking 21 hours to get it all done then, well just before training camp I got a letter, and guess what. That’s right I didn’t pass all my classes to graduate, infact I didn’t pass three classes, so I did graduate and did not get my degree.
I was so shameful of this I would not tell my family for a while and then only my parents. I tried to keep it under wraps during training camp cause to me I was a failure and wasn’t worthy of going on the race cause I had failed classes.
Well I’m finally at a place where I am truly not valueing my self by my schooling or acheivements, I have struggled with the fact that I was not the “perfect” student I didn’t get all A’s. I compared myself to others I had a gpa of 3.65 last I looked but to me that wasn’t good enough I was not good enough I was a failure. It even got to the point that I felt like I had to do it for my parents cause I wasn’t a perfect child then I would become a shut in and then I even went through a phase where I wanted to kill my self cause I wasn’t good enough for this world.
Even when I got on the Race I didn’t feel good enogh to be part of God’s work. The truth is I’m not but God has made me good enough only through him am I good enough for his plans or good enough even when I didn’t graduate. I am only good enough through his sacrifice on the cross only when I relized this was I able to start walking in His changing me to be good enough.
So yes GramGram I did not graduate, and You know what I could care less what you will say about it cause my Father has told me that isn’t me or my fault or anything bad but that He Loves me no matter what.
