I was journaling, listening to ole Jimmy Needham as he crooned about how worship is more than a song. He sung something about anything I put before my God is an idol.
And my pen paused…
I put a lot of emphasis on wanting more of Jesus. I wanna grow constantly and wanna be like the Big Man. And that’s great…if it’s changing me. But if it’s not, am I worshipping the idea of “more of God” instead of actually letting Him work in my heart and truly be transformed into His likeness?
I’m complete in Him so what exactly is this more of Him that I’m always chattering about? As far as God’s concerned, we are perfect because of Jesus. As I splatter through life trying to live some crazy good life, God smiles and whispers, my mercy endures forever.
Simply put, it’s ok to mess up but it’s even better to just to be.
Instead of listing what I need to do to arrive why not just read God’s Love Letter to me? Why not allow His words fill me so much that it’s deeply engraved in my heart and soul? As His thoughts become my thoughts, that will translate into my life.
That overflow will be the more of Him.
The past seven months I’ve expected a waterfall of Jesus to course me through life til I hit the hereafter.
But faith isn’t an emotion.
I’m finding out this faith and Jesus and Bible stuff isn’t just some typhoon of sentimentality that I’m coasting on in hopes of staying above the water. Explosions of Jesus are incredibly good—passion is awesome—zeal makes my heart skip a beat but there is something blissfully peaceful about a stream of Living Water coursing through us.
It creates something steady—steadfast.
It molds something that isn’t going to disappear after an 11 month mission trip is nothing but a good story and sweet memory.
After my life turned upside down, I got shot up with Jesus truth about 6 months before The Race. I was a sponge, soaking it all up like I’d never had real food before and I was an explosion of intensity and passion, ready to set the captives free and blow the chains off every bound man, woman and child.
Then life really began and what I knew in my heart to be true got to be lived out loud through my actions—I believe it’s called….get ready for it…
Living Life.
And life is hard.
There’s suffering and pain and a whole lot of crap in this world.
I’ve been learning to crawl, walk, doggie paddle and sprint out what it means to really follow Him. I’ve felt like a mop that can’t get enough of this Living Water stuff. Desiring Him in ways I didn’t know were possible—soaking Him up while seeing and feeling stuff I’d never felt, cried more than I thought I could and then coming up for air and realizing I’m still alive. Being wrung out and then being refilled over and over and over. And despite it all, I’m still ticking. And even more in love with my God than I ever imagined. It’s blown my mind in this swooping wave of powerful goodness that only the God of the Universe could put in me.
God’s going to continue to make His permanent dwelling in my heart and I will continue to be molded into His likeness. Just because I’m not addicted to sex, drugs and rock n roll anymore doesn’t mean I’m suddenly perfect. There’s an avalanche of reassurance knowing I’m perfect in Christ and while on earth I see the even greater need for grace in my life as my imperfections manifest themselves.
Camobodian hot/dry season is doing a great wonder to visibly stir my short tempered answers.
Woopsie daisy. Sorry, teammates!
Letting go of old thought patterns is a burdensome task but choosing to be like Jesus is a delight. Growing daily in the confidence of who I am in Christ allows a deeper sense of vulnerability because the outcome of what I say doesn’t depend on the person’s reaction. It’s solely dependent on the solid truth that Jesus loves me more than anything. Offering my body as a living sacrifice to Him isn’t some weird pressure I feel because I owe Him one. Instead it’s a kiss back to Jesus of how much I love Him!
As I read His heart through His Word, He will continue to transform me into who I already am in His eyes. And as I learn His heart, I’ll be able to discern the plans He has for my life.
Oh baby! The old is gone and the new is here! It’s revved up and ready to play! Transformation into something that makes God’s heart smile is what I want more of. Never relenting, never backing down, and accepting His grace and embracing His mercy is my heart’s song.
