Alone time comes in rare moments of utter bliss. When you get some you live it up. Mine occurred at the tomato garden. I turned on some old school Steven Curtis Chapman and rocked out— throwing my arms around, making up moves and picking weeds to the beat. There was a subtle breeze, the sun was shining and then I heard my teammates dying laughing at the spectacle. Boom. Alone time over.
There have been many moments where it feels like the animals are laughing at our expense. Take the 136 bug bites that someone has from their knee caps down or the swollen eye and fat lip another teammate has on her face. Dastardly little creatures, these bugs.
Then there’s the dang four legged reptiles. I felt something hit my forehead and slide with slippery quickness across my cheek and down my nose. I watched as a seed looking morsel plopped onto the couch. I thought whoever chucked the seed at me wasn’t too funny but waited til after the prayer to ask Carly why she threw it. She looked bewildered. Then the realization dawned that it was actually gecko poop. I looked up and could literally hear the annoying rodent laughing. I thought I was going to throw up.
A few days ago, I pulled vinyl off the ground and giant cockroaches scampered out. These nasty creatures live in darkness and hate being exposed to light. I didn't scream and run like I would have 6 months ago but they did remind me how sin hates being exposed and wants to fester in our hearts. As Jesus continues to peel back vinyl in my own heart, revealing what He wants to hoe out, I'm totally up for it. Hold on… Actually, let’s get honest.
Some days I’m like heck yeah Jesus, let’s hoe this thing out and other days I’m like put the tools away, I just wanna sleep!
But I am learning to get over myself. When I was hoeing this week, The Holy Spirit asked if loving Him meant seeking signs and wonders or if I could be content doing the mundane. SHOOT! He informed me He was voting my old self off the island. I told Him that’d be just dandy. I want to move, eat and breathe His wisdom and if that means booting selfishness along with a side of pride outta here then so be it.
He revealed to me that loving Him doesn’t have anything to do with how I’m feeling. My feelings change like the tide and my emotions are like connecting shooting stars in the sky. Jesus is my only constant. I’m dependent on Him like a dying man looking for water in the desert. Maybe loving Him is loving the Jesus in others. Maybe it’s hoeing the garden and being content that my back is breaking in half because it honors our ministry contacts. Maybe it’s picking 5789383 guavas and exhibiting self-control by not chucking myself over the side of the mountain alongside the rotten fruits. And maybe it’s just living with reckless abandon. Exposing my heart to vulnerability and being willing to love outside my comfort zone instead of stiff arming people like a running back on his way to score six. Where God just reminds me how much he really does love me and I say thank you. He doesn't expect me to do anything but just behold the glory of Jesus who dwells in me. God knows I can’t do it on my own.
Sometimes it takes the Holy Spirit doing some manual labor in the garden to bring forth beauty from ashes. And if I dance in the process, He laughs out loud. You might get messy and your hair might blow out of place but praise Jesus for hairspray and His grace to get us back on track.
