All week at camp, I'd be in meetings and have near panic attacks thinking, "Did I lock my tent door?…#suburbanlifeproblems
The first night, rain poured like mana from Heaven. Literally. The raindrops were so heavy as they hit the tents, it felt like they rebounded 2 inches in reprecussion. I was sweaty, tired and a little overwhelmed as I settled into my mansion and thought, "So this is it. This is life for the next 11 months." I looked up, smiled and said, "You and me, God. Now what do I do?" So I did the only natural thing. I took pictures of my feet. Then I sent them to my mom and was like, "Eww, wow, look how dirty my toes are…" Make fun if you want, but at that point I was delirious and suffering intense fast food withdrawls.
When I got home, my mom insisted I get a pedicure. I balked because I've been working pretty hard core on my callouses so I made her a deal. If I can keep the callouses, I'll get my toes painted. I think the nail lady is still laughing at me and my bizzaro request.
My first night back in Knox, I slept in my stinky sleeping bag because it felt homey and familiar. And when I havent been freezing in the air conditioning or fighting the urge to flash mob by myself in public, I've spent some time reflecting about camp.
I got wrecked in Georgia last week. It's not what Christin, in my teeny human strength, can accomplish. Its not how Christin, in my flesh, can love. It's not even when Christin, in my timing, can forgive.
AND
It's ok not to be ok. It's ok to not have it all together. It's ok to let go and let God.
I'm surprised I didnt swallow a fly since my mouth hung open all week, gaping at His awesomeness. Though, the added protein would have been immensely welcomed in my diet…
I got messy in front of God. I got vulnerable, raw, honest. I ranted and raved, paced and prayed. And He showered His love all over me. He picked up my brokenness and said, it's beautiful. We danced and He told me I take His breathe away. He said, "You're mine. Forever, for always, my precious Bride."
I believe I married my sweet Jesus last week, yall!
From the shredded places of my heart, His love poured forth. From the aching depths of grief and hurt, His joy bubbled over in my soul. His peace radiated through every fiber of my being. And I rested in His arms. He picked me up and held me and whispered His promises over my life. Again. And again. And again. He promised He'd never leave. He'd never forsake. He'd never stop loving me. And I rested.
