Half awake, still jet lagged, and feeling greasy from pizza left my mind as foggy as the smog hanging over us. I wasn't sure where we were going but it was a feeding program which is as normal on the Race as peeing over a squatty potty.
The team of 15 all rocked our plaid and black rain boots and as I stepped into the sludge that was so thick it looked like smokers lung, I finally understood why pastor insisted we buy them. I walked in shocked horror as the decaying existence revealed itself all around me.
Man, just come on back Jesus.
Please.
We turned onto the incline when I saw him. We made eye contact and I grinned. His face flooded with joy. He threw his tiny hands up and came running into my arms. I slung him upwards and held him like he'd always been there. Holding him was as natural as breathing. I even think our hearts were beating as one.
I watched as he grabbed his plate and Jake filled it with soup. I helped him to the railway tie and we sat down. Olive and her friends joined us and we began a lively conversation that was mixed English and Tagalog. Their rotting teeth shone between their brilliant smiles as they sloshed food into their mouths. Oliver didn't have utensils so when his friend ran off I fed him. He slurped it hastily and smirked at me.
He’s quite the teaser.
When he finished eating I threw him up in the air and whispered how much Jesus loves him. I’d put him down only to have him reach up for me to hold him again. I couldn't stand it. It was magnetic. White on rice. I couldn't bear not to hold him. He'd rest that sweaty head on my shoulder and smile at me like I was his only friend in the world. He'd kiss my shoulder and grin as if to ask me to hang out with him forever.
Oliver and I trudged all over the village of cardboard, smoke and garbage. He perched on my hip and buried his face in his shirt to avoid inhaling the gaseous fumes.
Faces smeared with charcoal are stuck in my mind. It would be a sweet reprieve to be able to forget yet an utter shame if I actually did.
You can't leave the charcoal factory unchanged. Earlier, I was sitting at Starbucks and felt weird. Like I was torn between two worlds. I guess I could go through the typical questions and frustrations people have when coming to third world countries. Or I can rest in the fact that I serve a good God. He's sovereign and turns it back for His glory. I can't explain or justify poverty but I can hand the sorrow to Jesus and watch Him rock our worlds and turn our hearts to mush. Oh law, I’m bursting with compassion. Simply put, my heart is tenderizing. Actually, my heart is at the factory, puddy in a little child's hands.
Tears fell as I walked home that day. Words didn't suffice and food didn't fix it. Only Jesus, love and time heals the hurt when I think about my precious little friend. And that's ok. As Christ's liquid love flows over my soul, it's hitting places that need some healing and it's a sweet spot to be in. Peace like a river flowing from the tops of my head to the bottoms of my feet. God and all His glory shooting through us and ricocheting into the lives of these Filipinos. It's strange and wonderful, hard and exhilarating.
But I think the coolest thing I've learned is that I don’t have to mourn or sulk in a corner about Oliver forever. Because this guy named Jesus calls us to set the captives free. To be more than conquerors. Isaiah explodes in chapter 61 calling us into crazy awesome greatness. I get this picture in my mind of a huge ship in port that is being machete chopped free and it’s beginning to set sail. As the ropes are being freed, there’s an army assembling.
I think it’s time we rise up. We're that army.
I don’t know what it all means, but I’m willing to spend the rest of my life figuring it out. We’re not just bringing the Good News to these folks. We're not just giving out hugs or bowls of soup. It’s bigger than that. It’s more explosive than just my world or yours. We’re warriors for a Gigantic God that loves the heck out of kids like us and it’s time to start being liberators for Jesus.
It’s time to start choosing in, showing up and watching God blow our minds.
Man. It's an honor to love Him back. A ridiculously awesome privilege and a cause worth fighting for. So yeah, I'll let my heart hurt for a time, then I'm putting on my gear and getting ready for battle!
Gahhh, are you ready?! I'm freakin out over here!
**pictures done by my insanely talented teammate Emily Chant. She is so amazing! Thanks EM!
