It has been exactly 43 minutes since I first opened this page. Before that, I was on the login page saying, “Darn, I forgot my password, looks like I can’t blog!” Alas, my password was what my password is for everything in my life (sorry mom!!), and my “never have I ever written a blog” finger is being forced down. I have a box full of loaded journals dating back to second grade when my deepest secrets were about taking my hamster to school picture day, but to be honest I’d probably rather go to the dentist then write something that the world might read (actually that’s not a good comparison because I’m obsessed with my teeth and I love the dentist, shoutout to Dr. Kirk Dickey ayy).
Aaaaaanyways. I would love to ramble awkward nonsense for a couple paragraphs and tell you all about my dental transformation or about how Jackie the hamster made it in the yearbook, but I should probably put something substance-y out there for the world since this is my first ever blog. So here goes nothin..
A couple of weeks ago my mom asked me a simple question so she would be able to answer when people asked her: “Why is your daughter quitting her job, fundraising a whole lot of money, and traveling to 11 mostly 3rd world countries for 11 months?!” I know this is probably something most people would think about BEFORE committing, but I honestly had a hard time coming up with words to answer. It would be easy to just say something generic like “the Great Commission” or something, but it really got me thinking… why the heck am I even doing this!? I took some time to think and pray, and was disappointed at first with the simplicity of my answer… The more I dwelt on it though, the more I realized that tbh ya’ll, it is pretty darn simple, and that’s okay. I love people… I really love people. And while I can 110% love people here in America without quitting my job or fundraising, I felt the Lord pulling me out of a rut I have been stuck in for a bit now, calling me into a major #comeback. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a band-aid-ripper-off-er. Either do it or don’t, which can be a blessing and a curse (throwback to every yolo moment I’ve ever thought was a good idea that uh, wasn’t, and a special shoutout to my parent’s insurance plan, holla for that dollar for real). When I first felt God pulling me to the World Race, I was a big “Naw girl.” I was comfortable in my rut. But then I realized how, plot twist, it’s actually not that fun to live in a place like that, and the freedom and forgiveness that Jesus promises IS for me. Although the first steps into that didn’t look too pretty and I had a lot of snotty ugly-cry prayers, I am filled with so much gratitude for all the God has done and is doing in my life. I am completely undone and humbled by the new life that Jesus has breathed into me.
Mark 5 talks about Jesus coming into a place of commotion, with the mother and father of a dead little girl crying that he was too late. Plot twist again, it’s never too late. You might feel dead in your season, but it’s time to let Jesus come in and say “Talitha Koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). It might feel like the proverbial rut you’re stuck in will never let you go. Surrender is the most simple, yet hardest thing to do sometimes. When I finally gave up my stubborn pride and let Jesus take me by the hand (Mark 5:41), I couldn’t say no to this call to jump into this trip. I hit the ground running. And while I’ve encountered obstacles (which ironic enough I’m currently hitting the ground on crutches due to a hip surgery, cue the compression socks and geriatric shoes), I have seen the faithfulness of God time and time again.
There are countless “But God” moments in the Bible. I am not equipped or qualified to preach, teach, or abandon the “first world” (ya’ll my hair gets greasy in like 11.3 hours).. BUT GOD. “We were deserving of wrath, BUT GOD, because of His great love and rich mercy, made us alive in Christ” (Ephesians 2:3-4). “You intended to harm me, BUT GOD intended it for good to accomplish what is being done now, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20). “BUT GOD chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, the weak things of the world to shame the strong” (1 Corinthians 1:26-27). BUT GOD YA’LL. I am going on this trip because God has “But God”-ed all over my life, and I seriously can’t wait to take 11 months to grow closer to Him, to love on some of the least of these, to learn how to be thrive in vulnerability and intimacy, to surrender even more and be more free than ever so I can grab other people’s hands from their dead rut and pull them up into walking around ALIVE again.
Woof, now that I’ve rambled #fordays and re-read what I’ve written 37 times and still feel like my hamster would have been easier to describe and understand, I hope you have a little better idea of the WHY behind the adventure that Jesus has been pulling me to in the next year! Please do not hesitate to reach out with any questions, concerns, comments, suggestions, blog tips and tricks, etc etc. Stay tuned for my next blog post… it could be tomorrow or in 6 months, but hey, I’m trying here;) Love you all!! EEP!
