(First off, I apologize for how long I ramble in this one. It’s my second blog post ever, give me some grace;)).
So like.. I’ve never cried in a movie. A Walk to Remember? Naw. Marley and Me? Nope. Brother Bear, Bambi, The Notebook? Okay, I at least choked up in Brother Bear. I know some might correlate this to the makings of a serial killer, and I know there’s a Whole 30 yogi out there thinking how unhealthy it is to withhold tears from the universe (even though I’ve seen that Bojangles cup in your Prius, Susan), I’ve just never been a big crier.
I sometimes joke that I haven’t cried since infancy, and to be honest, I’ve taken pride in the small number of people that have seen me actually cry. I am brutally independent, and I’ve boasted in the fact that I can do anything and everything by myself, and I don’t actually need help, ever. But whatchu know about pride? It comes riiiiight before the fall.
For those of you who don’t know, I had hip surgery 2 weeks ago to repair a torn labrum and some other stuff that should have probably lasted until I turned 75, but yolo. Although everyone wants to buy you a drink when you’re out in public, crutch life is actually really hard (like my armpits are basically bleeding, and also I peed on the floor the first night because I couldn’t figure out how to crutch and pee with a bum hip at the same time… sorry Bethany:)). All that to say, I need a lot of help now. Fast forward to last week when I got a new phone and decided to sell my old iPhone on OfferUp. Long story short, I was royally bamboozled, and I now am very knowledgeable in how to spot counterfeit money. I am also now on a first-name basis with half of the Chesapeake Police Department, and also out an iPhone and $200. The next day, I thought my roommate was playing a trick on me by saying my car wouldn’t accelerate (again, crutch life, when you rely on chauffeurs every chance you get). Another long story short, I know a lot more about junking a car then I ever planned, with a total net gain of $20 in exchange for my trusty and rusty Blazing Beauty. In summary, I was left with 1 leg, no car, a wad counterfeit $20s, and a hecka lot to figure out.
Now it wasn’t the injustice, the horrible timing, the physical pain, or even peeing on the floor that caused me the most stress and frustration… but rather the fact that I had to legitimately NEED help with things that would really inconvenience others. Although it took some people (*cough cough Bethany, Kira, and Sarah*) basically force-feeding me blessings, not taking no for an answer when I needed rides to Physical Therapy, help carrying my own lunch or coffee, and so much more, this is what I’ve been needing to break down my pride and show me what it looks like to humbly accept help and blessings. I’ve had a lot of so-called freedoms taken from me recently (I know, I know #firstworldprobs), but I have never felt more free, knowing that there are people in my life who love and value me enough to inconvenience themselves, not expecting anything in return.
Time for the parallel… whaddup Jesus!! He loves and values me enough to inconvenience Himself, not expecting anything in return. When I refuse to ask for help, letting pride clog my tear ducts and silence my needs, I am the lord of my own life. I don’t need others, I don’t need Him, and I am in control. That may seem safer, more predictable, and less painful, but I am doing nothing but putting a glass ceiling on the unspeakable heights He wants to take me to. To quote an African Proverb, “if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” As that is true for life, so it is true with Jesus. I want to go far and wide and deep in life in all aspects, but I can’t expect to do so without humility and help, from Him and others. “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up” James 4:10.
Let’s land this baby with some shoutouts: To the Tapani’s, Pearson’s, Chase’s, Alex Swanson, Kira McConaughey, Sarah Wood, Bethany Garrett, Uncle Tom and Aunt Jane, my parents and grandparents, and the countless other people who have shown me such extreme generosity through donations, support, and prayers for my upcoming trip… I hope you know how inexpressibly and indescribably humbled and grateful I am for your help, and that it’s actually almost painful to accept that I may never be able to repay or make it up to you. Yet, I can now appreciate even more the fact that I NEED ya’ll, and that I can rest in knowing that you have blessed me because you wanted to, out of the kindness and selflessness of your hearts, without expecting something in return.
And to all my fellow stubborn people out there, just know that it honestly is okay to admit that you NEED people, to receive help, to cry when Marley dies, to accept that you can’t (and don’t need to) do everything on your own. Give others the opportunity to bless you, and humble yourself enough to reach out for what you need. Give God the opportunity to show you what He can do in your life when you surrender to Him. Asking for help is the greatest act of courage and strength, and as the wise philosopher Dumbledore once said, “You will find that help will always be given to those who ask for it.”
