Living with 5-6 other girls for the last 7 or so months has been really great overall, but relationships are not perfect. When dealing with people, you are bound to get hurt, disappointed, agitated, angry, frustrated, etc. at one point in time. Does that mean that it isn't worth taking the risk to form friendships? No, of course not, but this is not an easy thing to do and it's something I've been learning this month in Mozambique.
It is easy to just write off people for the comforts of your computer and the shows on it (like Castle, New Girl, Psych, etc.) or movies or games. This month in particular being in my own tent and having my computer has made it easy to not pursue community intentionally outside of team time. I was at a point where I was thinking, would it be so bad to finish the Race and never see any of these people again? Is it better to just love them as sisters in Christ and not invest further? I mean I can be present while on the Race and talk to them and encourage them, but do I really care to know them? Do I really want to say these girls are my friends and we'll keep in touch after we get home? Do I want to open myself up to the possibility that we'll make promises to each other and actually keep them? Do I trust that the bonds formed on the Race are genuine and these girls really do love me? Is it all worth it?
I have been rejected before and invested in relationships that haven't lasted in the past and it sucks. I'm so tired of investing so much time and energy in friendships that are not forever that I'm scared to truly open myself back up for possible disappointments and pain. I know that it is the true friendships that will stand the ups and downs of human interaction and they are worth pursuing, but it's scary. It's risky. I think what it all boils down to is love. Unconditional love like God has for us. The love that He wants us to have for one another. God created us and loved us enough to send Jesus to die on the cross for our sins even though He knew we would disappoint Him and some people would reject Him. Jesus' love has no bonds.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." -1 Corinthians 13:1-7
Truly investing in relationships and the girls of Heartbeat (new team name that is explained in the blog before this one) and other girls of N Squad is something that freaks me out, but I know that it'll be worth it. Is is possible that I might be disappointed or hurt in the future? Sure, but the time spent now and for the rest of the Race is important and God has placed these girls in my life for a purpose so I will try my best to pursue these friendships and be in intentional community.
