It’s Sunday morning, and I’ve spent a little more than enough time delaying to write my first blog post. Actually I published a starting draft a couple of days ago to motivate me to work on this until every word, period, and paragraph indentation was in place. After all, this one is the handshake, the first impression that has to be the “halo” post.
For the past three days, I’ve always been on the verge of doing this, but for some reason or another–lack of time, other “duty calls”–I haven’t actually done it. This isn’t a singular kind of event, but it has been a recurring motif throughout my life–PERFECTIONISM. It’s a self-imposed debilitation that transmogrifies into a not-so-nice beast called procrastination. And it certainly ain’t purty (pardon my Georgia girl dialect).
Ironically, learning to abandon perfectionism for one critical moment led me to finally make the decision to apply to World Race. There were a lot of doubts in my mind–can I really do this? Do I have the stamina? Did I dream this up, or is it just another whimsy of a bright-eyed dreamer? And probably most pressing of all–if I start this journey, will I be able to finish it, even if I can’t do it all perfectly?
In the past, envisioning failure or not getting an absolute 100% out of something prevented me from completing things I’ve started. One day, after Skyping with someone at World Race about these cycling fears, I knew I had to make a choice. Am I going to keep doubting or begin believing?
My if’s took on a new tone: If I just give it a try, what will I have to regret? If this is God’s will, can’t I trust He will open the doors for me? Even if I don’t fit the perfect description of a perfect missionary with perfect results, so what? God has used imperfect people all throughout the Bible to accomplish His purpose, and His wisdom, power, love, and grace sustained every single one of them. So you know what? IF I truly believe there’s a God greater than my shortcomings, let’s give this World Race thing a try.
Flash forward to this present moment–I know this isn’t a halo kind of first post. There’s still so much more I want to share with you, especially since you’ve given me your time to read my ramblings this far. But I’ve got to go meet God at church in just a few…
Just as important, I’m not going to wait until I can perfectly vocalize my life testimony and all the amazing motivations and incredibly (non-)coincidental circumstances that have led me here before I publish this first post.
Yes, the halo’s a little bent and not 100-Watt bright, flickering a bit at times like the fluorescent bulb in my ceiling fixture. God is still at work within me, perfecting me as I prepare for His Kingdom-building mission without the prerequisite of me being perfect.
You and I are saints-in-progress, and we will be as we continue living out our God-given missions. Don’t let the fear of falling short prevent you from trekking forward. We’ll never see the amazing things God has in store and what He can do in spite of all our imperfections if we just keep waiting for the right conditions (which are never coming, by the way). These are words to myself as well as to anyone who’s ever been in my shoes. God honors steps of faith, even if they’re baby steps. Trust God to increase your faith’s depth, and He will help you keep going. He is capable of sustaining you and me in every situation.
For this upcoming race, this Expedition into new arenas and opportunities to grow and serve, you can bet I’ll be doing as much preparation as I can for the 11 months that lie ahead. I’m going to expect God’s best, but not be put off when less-than-the-best happens. Ultimately, I’m putting all of this in His hands, and while the halo’s still flickering, I’m going to keep trekking.
