In my last blog, I was writing from the early hours of the morning, sitting in a hostel in La Paz, Bolivia. I was in pain, and the meds that had been recommended at the time, seemed not to be assisting me at all. It was hard to walk, and the next day, my dear friend Sarita, brought me a giant brace to wear. This brace had 5 wide velcro straps and had zero give in it, so my troubled walking turned into a troubled wobble!
Following talking with my parents, we had decided it would be best for me to return to the States, for a couple of weeks to hopefully see a Dr for a clear understanding about my knee and to get some rest.
Once, I returned or even said I was returning, I was welcome by so many friends and family. It was a lovely welcome home, even if it was for a frustrating reason. During my first week home, I contacted a few doctor’s offices about scheduling an appointment. There was not any luck on that front, with one doctor on vacation, and another just refused to see me due to their office managers decision.
So, the next day, I went with my dad to a heated pool at a hospital near our house. I was still walking gingerly, and was worried about slipping on loose gravel or walking over curbs, which might cause more pain. My, dad was so sweet and drove the car up to the door to drop me off. My dad introduced me to the staff, and rambled off a bunch of jokes which helped comfort me in this new place. So, I walk into the natatorium, unsure of what to expect, and uncommonly apprehensive to try this out. The apprehension, may be in part due to large number of older adults staring at me tenderly walking across the pathway to get into the heated pool where they were all congregated for water aerobics 30 minutes later.
My dad gave me some a few words of advice of things that may help and he took laps walking around the heated pool. Then he told me, he was moving to the bigger pool, and that it was a bit cooler. Well, at the point I felt intrusive and quite over run my the senior adult water aerobics class so, I followed my dad to the larger pool lap pool. My dad started his laps, and I walked down the handicap assisted ladder, into the pool, shocked by the drastic change in temperature, but appreciating the far less number of persons in the pool. As I began this new part of hydrotherapy in the pool, I started off slow with walking laps, well by walking, I mean a very very slow pace, and holding on tightly to the edge of the pool.
That evening, I spent some time researching hydrotherapy techniques, to show up the next day ready with a plan. After some time, I had a plan, walk forward for 5 laps, backwards for 5 laps, side walk for 5 laps, march for 5 laps, and stretch. On day 2, of this fun exercise, I could let go of the wall, and let go of my giant brace!!! I felt stronger and more stable again, but emotionally I felt wrecked.
On the third day of therapy, I was focused on my exercises, I was frustrated that walking in water was so hard, and exhausting. I wanted to cry, and I wanted to be with my team and squad in Bolivia. It was weird being home, after spending months preparing for the 11 month trip and after 2 you’re back home injured. For one thing, that’s not the picture I had for my homecoming wobbling off of the airplane, and another how can you be home when your homesick for a springy sweat filled bed in Bolivia. I was struggling to processing what I had been through for the past 2 months, and trying to feel better physically, all in the same moment.
So, there I was walking and thinking, about the race, about walking, and then about the parable when Jesus asks Peter to walk on the water with Him.
Jesus Walks on the Water
22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Matthew 14:22-33
As I thought about this parable, and stumbled in the water, old sermons and bible studies over this sermon flooded my brain. This scripture is often used to encourage believers trust Jesus, but its also to remind us that this journey is not easy and we have to keep our eyes on Christ. There is so much around us distracting us, and fighting for our attention, but Christ is standing in front of us calmly saying “Take courage, it is I, Don’t be afraid”
So, as I walked in the water, keeping my eyes above the line of water, focused on each step, I realized that what I was going through physically, is what He wants of me spiritually. He wants to be apart of every single step of my life, not just to big transitions, or the celebrations, but every single part. This is something I know, and come back to so often, but I am here again. On the race, I stopped abiding in the Lord, I stopped spending quality time with the Lord, I have been living on my own energy and I am worn out.
The race can be a little overwhelming at time, and there is plenty to get distracted with, like ministry, friends, leadership projects or trying to find wifi. Distraction, sometimes comes in a lovely package and is probably important, but it will still be there after I take time to sit with the Lord, and get filled up with His truth and wisdom for the day!
There is a girl on my squad name Anna, while we were in Peru, Anna would wake up early, and sit in the sun rise, I would walk by her every day. She sat with her bible, journal, and worship music everyday. I would generally walk by while she was praying, her face was glowing in the sun, but also glowing deep within. Many of us that grew up in churches, are taught to start off our day in a quiet moment with the Lord, giving Him the first part of our day. Many of us also, choose to forgo this, by justification of ” important things I HAVE to do” or thinking that it will get done later, even in the evening, but it never comes around. We hustle around, listening to christian music, even having christian conversations, but we don’t have time to sit and abide with him.
Will we sit in the staggering frustrations or run away from them? Will we listen in the quietness, without interrupting it with our own thought? Will be seated by the sunrise and abide today, so that we can know each step we take has a purpose and a plan?
I am challenging myself, and I challenge you, to sit take a deep breath and abide in the light of the Son!
