Come Thou Fount- David Crowder
Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
I’ll praise the Mount I’m fixed upon it
Mount of Thy redeeming love
Here I raise my Ebenezer
Hither by Thy help I come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus, sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood
Ode to grace, how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be
And let Thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
I am in Month 7 of the World Race, and 4 months ago I went home for 2 weeks following a moto accident, I was conflicted and confused about this entire ordeal. I was hurting, emotionally bruised, and frustrated with everything going on around me. On the morning before I flew out to go back to the World Race, I was doing some water therapy with my father, which was both physically and emotionally soothing. He and I were talking over what fun we had over the past two weeks and my feeling about returning. My dad is openly not supportive of the race, or my time away from my professional life, but is a huge supporter of me, which I love, but comes with some hard moments! But, on that day while walking laps in the pool, expressing my concerns of not wanting to get on the plane, or considering just returning home after month 6, He supported me. He chose at that moment not to insert his opinion or to persuade me to stay or go, He just said, let me know and Ill be there either way.
Well, I am in month 7, so I chose to stay…which actually came the moment I arrived in India, the warmth that hit my face with the smell of curry and sweat, along with the mass chaos, I found joy. There was also a part played when I arrived in NYC to meet up with my squad and I was quickly reminded of my love for my squad and theirs for me, when they came barreling over bags, and other squad mates, yelling my name across airport check-in to hug me and welcome me back. With those moments, I knew this time was different, but last night I was sitting with my team during a worship time, reading over my journalling from the past 4 months and I realized that my heart wanders as fast as a hummingbird transitions from flower to flower.
I am on the World Race, my world currently is a little less than traditional and the pressures placed on me are unique to this year and the choices we have on the race. But I have learned so much in the 7 months of this race, in this pressurized vacuum of an experience, that would have taken me many more years to fully grasp, had I not returned to this race. I have had to choose to love when I absolutely didn’t want to, I have had to say bye when I wanted to selfishly keep squad mates from leaving the race, I have had to hold hurting friends as they cry and their hearts are broken because so many reasons only racers can understand, and I have chosen by returning to the race to say yes a real YES, to the Lord, with putting a mirror up in front of myself to truly look at myself to go through all that this Race is meant provide for wandering hearts.
Last month, my squad was in Malaysia, and my team (Team Victory) were on an island called Penang, doing a ministry called Unsung Heroes, seeking out new ministries. This lead us to a youth conference ran by the Operation Mobilization missions organization, which the creator George Verwer was present. On our first night of visiting, we heard George speak with great transparency and vibrancy. He writes many book, to help support his organization, the missionaries they send out, and to give great perspective to others about living a life in ministry. I have currently been reading his book ” Out of the Comfort Zone” Which has been quite beautiful for me, in that he really talks to those living in community doing ministry and the struggles that accompany that. This book has been so encouraging and challenging. I am wanting to share a part of his book with you about discouragement.
” As we respond to the challenge of the Great Commission, encouraged by the promise that we will be given power as we are filled with the Holy Spirit, there are two ways of thinking and acting which we need to cultivate. The first is the determination to get up and go on after discouragement. We have to accept that, as we get involved with missions, there will be mistakes, failures and sins. Although we should be sorry for them, rather than being intimidated by them and allowing them to corner us into inaction, we should use them as springboards to launch us into greater things for God.”
In referencing a book by Brennan Manning, Ragamuffin Gospel, Verwer states,” Ragamuffins, despite all their efforts do fail, and sometimes even break promises”
” One of the most important aspects of walking with Jesus is to learn this lesson of how to bounce back when we fail. surely this what Hebrews 12:7-11 is talking about:
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
If we walk with God he will discipline us through our failures for our good. These are serious words but beware in all of his not to take yourself too seriously. Learn how to laugh at yourself while keeping on.”
Now in Month 7, I have found myself frustrated and discouraged and discouraged I was discouraged! I found myself dealing with things of the present how I would deal with things in my past, and that was frustrating. How do I grow in the Lord if I return to what I did before I left for the race or so far before the race. Or, how do I deal with any of this till I admit that I am discouraged, and why I am discouraged. Last night in the midst of attempting to fall asleep, I prayed over things and realized I was discouraged and frustrated! Giving these things over to God, I found sweet peace! Then praying the Lord, would bind me to Him and His ways!
I often hear this song, and think its about my life’s sins taking ahold of me, not thinking of the fact that my flesh is easily distracted from the truth of the Lord and His great LOVE for me! This month has be quite splendid with ministry and my team, so was quite perplexing in my revelation of discouragement, but ah… my wandering heart just needed to be restored to my Lord, daily I wander and daily He binds me back… Golly I am so grateful to be His favorite and for His great fierce love for me!!! My fleeting hummingbird heart is at peace and overjoyed this month is not over and there are so many sweet hugs to receive and laughter to enjoy!!!
Please keep praying for me, my team and my squad as we finish our time in Thailand! My mom will be here next week for Parent Vision Trip, please pray she will travel safe, and will have a great trip serving the Thai people!! Thank you for all of your support and love in these 7 months!!
