“ Blessed are all who wait for him! ( Isaiah 30:18)
I longed to walk along an easy road,
And Leave behind the dull routine of home,
Thinking in other fields to serve my God;
But Jesus said, “ My time has not yet come.”
I longed to sow the seed in other soil,
To be unshackled in the work, and free,
To join with other laborers in their toil;
But Jesus said, “It’s not My choice for thee.’
I longed to leave the desert, and he led
To work where souls were sunk in sin and shame,
That I might win them; but the Master said,
“I have not called you, publish here My name.”
I longed to fight the battles of my King,
Lift high His standards in the thickest strife;
But my great captain had me wait and sing
Songs of His conquest in my quiet life.
I longed to leave the hard and difficult sphere,
Where all alone I seemed to stand and wait,
To feel I had some human helper near,
But Jesus had me guard one lonely gate.
I longed to leave the common daily toil
Where no one seemed to understand or care;
But Jesus said, “ I choose for you this soil,
That you might raise for me some blossoms rare.”
And now I have no longing but to do
At home, or far away, His blessed will,
To work amid the many or the few;
Thus, “choosing not to chose,” my heart is still.
September 5, Streams in the Dessert
In October 2013, I was sitting in Cottonwood Baptist Church in Dublin, TX following Homecoming weekend at Tarleton State University. I was discontent with my job, unsure of what to do, and looking for anything to get me out of working at the hospital I was currently working at. I thought I wanted a great many things, a more glorified job at a well known hospital in Dallas, work for the Veterans Affairs, or go get more education, anything to affirm that I am better than what my present circumstances alluded to. Every time I visit my alma mater, and the church I attended in college, I usually get a spoonful of humble pie, and this time was not any different! I spent time over the weekend tooting my horn of how great of a recreation therapist I was and seeking as much self glorification as possible, while hating almost everything about my job. But, then Pastor Mike Fritscher, begins preaching over Matthew 9:35- 38, titled with “ The Harvest Is Plentiful, the Laborers Few. I remember before he started thinking, yes Lord, the laborers are few and I am at this stinking hospital, when I could be across the globe serving! Insert Humble Pie Here!
“ 35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to the disciples, ‘ The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few, 39 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers to the harvest.” – Matthew 9:35-39
As Pastor Mike spoke, he mentioned that we give us reason to go out to the nations, but it also gives us reason to recognize that the fields that we are in need prayer and tending to as well. He said, this could be school, or jobs, or tending to a home. Immediately, it hit me like a ton of bricks, I have not at one point thought that the hospital I worked at was a field to tend to for the Lord. I had not been praying, I had not considered that these people that I work with needed Jesus, or that my actions mattered because this is not the mission field.
I realized, I was discontent! I had expectation of what a Recreation Therapist was to be, and what having a Master’s degree was to acquire. I had a picture in my head of what working in the real world would be like and none of this was adding up to what I wanted or what I pictured for my self or would obtain me a worldly vision of success. I realized, I wanted the worldly success with out really working for it, and I wanted to go to the nations to serve the Lord without really attending to the heart of the issues going on in my life. My sense of entitlement and pride on both sides of the spectrum, blinded me from being effective and satisfied in either position.
Following that October Sunday, in Dublin, TX, I went home to San Antonio, seeking to have a change of heart of my intentions and expectations of work. Some days were better than others, my heart to seek something new, to run forward and onward did not cease. But, most days my attitude was to do my best at work and see it as a field the Lord placed me in and not only a job to pass the time. During that season, I really investing in my coworkers and establishing actual friendships and relationships with them. I also focused my time on becoming a better therapist, and being a good steward of the skills the Lord has given me.
But, as discontentment grew up with in me thick again along with pride and entitlement, I found myself wanting something new and a change of pace. Like I have mentioned on blogs before, an opportunity to apply for a Ph. D. program came about and I jumped all over it. It seemed Idyllic and was a welcomed relief to my need to self glorification and success. As the progress unfolded, it seemed to be a perfect fit, except for a nudge within my spirit saying, and where is the Lord’s ministry at here, if I say yes to this. Then in the same season, the World Race, was brought into my peripheral and I said, “NO!” multiple time, because it would take away from the end result of me being, Dr. Christina Coleman- Expert in Adaptive Sports Management… it does have a lovely tone… right.. haha! Well, I applied for the World Race over time, and said no to the Ph. D. following some prayer about what the Lord wanted of my life, and letting go of what I wanted my life to look like! As my season, working at the hospital was closing up, I realized how much i loved my job, how much I enjoyed being a recreation therapist, and that I am actually really good at what I do as a recreation therapist. That made it hard to leave, it made it scary that I was leaving something good and I didn’t know if I would be coming back. I did know I wouldn’t return to what my job was like when I left it, there would be others come in, interns would join our group of therapist and someone would take over my groups, that I would not get back! All my grumbling and frustrations were wiped away and I was thankful for how the hospital grew me and for what it had become!
So, in normal Christina fashion, I left on the World Race, completely sold out for the idea of the iconic experience, traveling to 11 countries in 11 months, hoping to hop a few borders along the way! I thought I would sail through the year with a few trials, absently ignoring the portion of the year being a discipleship program, the help you become more like Christ, in your actions, words, thought, and relationships through living in close community with other believers. It’s not that you forget that you are going to live in close community with others, its that you don’t really know what that will fully be like till you are in it! A friend of mine told me, it will be great until month 6 and then it will become really difficult, well I made it to month 1 before it became really difficult and by month 3, I was not really enjoy much of the process any more.
Me not enjoying the World Race process, was the same as me being discontent with my job, I wanted to run, I didn’t want to sit and accept of what the Lord wanted to teach me all along! I am selfish, self- centered, prideful, boastful, entitled, and arrogant! It took, coming on the World Race, and their living with people through the good days and the bad day and for a session of Super Feedback to fully grasp the affects of this sin in my life and how it separates me from God and separates me from the gift of His sacrifice which is living in His holiness.
Following, receiving feedback about being more gentle and less prideful, I began praying about what to live like Christ looks like and to live a life of righteousness. Then sitting in my quiet time, in Sapa, Vietnam reading My Utmost for His Highest on September 1st, the subject was Destined to be Holy. The scripture given was “… it is written, “ Be holy, for I am holy.” ( 1 Peter 1:16) While reading through this devotional, much of it, I felt fit what I had been thinking about and praying over recently! “ We must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. Today we have far too many desires and interest, and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them. Many of them may be right, noble and good, and may later be fulfilled, but in meantime God must cause their importance to decrease.” This reached out to me, because, I do a lot of good things, shoot, I am a recreation therapist working with psychiatric patients, and I am on the World Race living a life of simplicity to serve the Lord. They are both noble and good, but I am being glorified in the identity of the both and am not seeking to give the glory to God or live in the holiness of His salvation when I choose to fluff up my feathers about these identities. And so, “ God has only one intended destiny for mankind-holiness. His only goal is to produce saints. God is not some eternal blessing machine for people to use, and He did not come to save us out of pity. He came to save us because He created us to be holy. Atonement through the Cross of Christ means that God can put me back into perfect oneness with Himself through the death of Jesus Christ, without a trace of anything coming between us any longer… Holiness means absolute purity of your walk before God, the word coming from your mouth and every thought in your mind- placing every detail of you life under the scrutiny of God Himself.”
Then on September 3rd, in My Utmost for His Highest, talking about, what do we take for our own selves, love, friendship, spiritual blessings at the risk of damaging our own souls? What of the things in your life, can you not now “ pour out to the Lord” as in 2 Samuel 23:16, “ He would not drink it, but poured it out to the Lord.” as I was read in the devotional, this part stood out to me, “You can never see apart for God something that you desire for yourself to achieve for your own satisfaction. If you try to satisfy yourself with a blessing from God, it will corrupt you. You must sacrifice it, during it out to God- something that your common sense says is an absurd waste. How can I pour out “ to the Lord” natural love and spiritual blessings?” Remember how I said my job and the race, frustrated me and I became discontent with the both, I chose to hold the spiritual blessing for myself, and my identity for my self, and my pride for my self. But, the devotional says, “ If you have become bitter and sour, it is because when God gave you a blessing you hoarded it. Yet if you had poured it out to Him, you would have been the sweetest person on earth. If you are always keeping blessings to yourself and never learning to pour out anything “ to the Lord, “ other people will never have their vision of God expanded through you.
If our destiny is to be holy, and holiness comes through Christ alone, then our lives should be blessings to other, showing a vision of God in how we live our lives out. 2 Corinthians 5:20-21 says, “ Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so hat in him we might become the righteousness of God.” Our lives, our attitude, our speech makes an impact on those around us believers and non-believers. Wether we are at jobs in America, tending to a home and children, retired at dominos, or on a crazy adventure around the world, our lives show a vision of God, wether pure and holy or mean and judgmental or lazy and prideful.
I urge you and I urge me, to seek after the Lord and His holiness that we might bring Him glory and honor. That we may overflow in Him and His goodness so being discontent is not an option, being discontent mean we are not focused on our source of everything for our lives!!
