For the past month the reality of the World Race has been edging its way into the vocal point of my mind. And amidst all of the wonderful, super exciting thoughts that I have had, have been the thoughts that make me nervous. Most of them have been superficial. Actually, scratch that, all of them have been superficial but through that, and the realization of that, I can also see how God is preparing me to deal with those petty, superficial "problems" that I have created.
God totally knows me. Flat out. For each fear that I have had, each struggle about the World Race, He has presented these things in my life recently that have forced me to reconcile, work through, or be confronted by small blips that He knows that I can handle. In a way that I can handle it.
It's kind of like brewing a cup of tea.
To make tea you don't just pull a cup out of the cupboard with it already filled with hot tea. You dip the tea bag in and out of the water a few times (well… I have to) and then you can allow the tea bag to drop all the way into the cup while you finish the rest of whatever you were doing before the water pot whistled.
There is an introduction before the plunge.
Here's what it has looked like in non-tea terms (We'll go from the simpler examples to the more "difficult"):
1. I'm super out of shape, there is no way that I am going to be able to carry around a bajillion pound bag everywhere!
This might be semi-surprising for those that read my "about me" and saw that I love to hike. I DO love to hike but at some point during each hike I morph into a 59 year old woman that can no longer support herself.(Pride is not something that I struggle with when it comes to modes of transportation up or down a hike. Crawling or sliding on my butt is not beneath me–though thankfully, I have not had to do much crawling.)
Since coming to Hawaii though, I have made friends with some amazing people that go hiking every Saturday. So, I have been hiking most Saturdays recently and God has carried me up and down each hike so far.
2. I cannot eat peanut butter. I might die.
I'm pretty sure that this is something that most Racers consider while preparing for the World Race, right?
Well, you would be proud of me because after coming down a from a hike called the Haiku Stairs/Stairway to Heaven a few weeks ago I was put into a situation that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was one of the only things awaiting me in my car. (The hike was about 6-7 hours long–we "watched the sun rise") And, well, for the first time in almost 4-5 years I ate peanut butter and guess what. I am still alive.
3. What about the creepy-crawly things that I might encounter on the Race?
I live in Hawaii. Lizards are everywhere. And by everywhere I mean I have one sleeping under my bed (I hope under), two in my closet, three in my bathroom and those are the ones that I am aware of. I am coming to the point of embracing the fact that these little guys are a fixture in my life. God is giving me tiny glimpse of the..ahem…His creation that I might come across on the Race.
Dipping me slowly.
4. Wait. Thinking about fundraising is fine… but actually asking people for money? Uhm… can I take option 2?
There isn't an option number 2. Trust me. Putting hope in winning the lottery is not a viable option.
Writing my support letter was a, two week long, process. Of editing and editing and then fretting. Then I thought that when I printed them out that I had to write a personal note on each letter. I have sent out at least 200 letters so far and I quickly learned that would be impossible. Though, through this I now have a ton of people's addresses to write them in the future!
When I was spamming Facebook for addresses- I mean, asking people for their addresses, I would freeze up every so often and have a mini freak out about not being able to ask this person because "They wouldn't care." And then my Mom would look up from helping me and remind me that if this is where God is leading me that they will care. So I would push ahead trying not to think about the hundreds of reasons why people wouldn't care.
God cares and ultimately if people decide to support me it is because of Him and nothing to do with who I was when they knew me, who I have become or how wonderfully I have crafted my letter. I just have to trust in His plan and timing as well as His excellent ability to carry my fear-ridden, shallow heart.
He just knows me well enough to know that I can only handle so much at a time and is introducing me slowly to the greatness He has instore.
He is brewing me like tea.
