I don’t share intimate details of my life because I don’t need to. I have never been a verbal processor and telling people past life events have never really been my forte. However I do not have an issue with being 100% honest and completely truthful. Someone recently told me that we share not just for ourselves but for others. Something I vaguely remember being taught in preschool, but something I never knew I didn’t truly didn’t know until now. God since then showed me to bring forth things to the light, to tell others, for my benefit, for other’s benefit. Personal things. What you are about to read is not a normal blog post, it doesn’t tell you about my ministry or the adventures I’m having on off days. What I wrote is extremely intimate, it is an e-mail I wrote for the eyes only of close family and friends. Until something recent happened. I thought God might be telling me to post it for all the world to see. My fear was that those who are new in their walk with Christ may be confused, that some may turn their focus off Christ’s light and on the devils darkness. But my thoughts were verified when I today experienced an attack from the enemy. If you have been following my blog posts you might remember me explaining a lot of sickness in my life and on this trip. I experience physical sickness if I am about to do anything important in the name of the Lord. Today I had to stay home in bed from ministry because I felt ill. The day after I had that thought. Whether spiritual or coincidental, I still feel called to post this and let it be and sit on the world wide web forever. My prayer is that the ones who need to see it will see, that the details I share without exaggeration, will convict and help those who need to know that light always overpowers darkness. So here we go.
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Dear All,
You are in this email both because you are close and trusted friends and family, and, or because I respect and admire the relationship you have with the Lord and am in need of your prayer.
All of you are aware that I am on an 11 month mission trip with an organization called Adventures in Missions. I believe the Lord had called me to this journey many years before, and for many reasons. One of those reasons is for emotional and spiritual healing. A journey such as this can not only change the lives you encounter, but even more so, your own. When God called me to this next year of my life I was prepared to be broken, to be open up, all my darkness would come to light, all my suffering exposed and explored, and eventually all my wounds healed by the hand of our Father. If you had attended my baptism two summers previous at Hope Fellowship, you might remember some words from my testimony. Words such as divorce, death, mental illness, depression, suicide, alcoholism, emotional abuse, illness, and pain. The meanings of these words have left wounds on my heart that I believe are not fully healed.
Adventures in Missions is an organization I have learned to come to know, and in which I have great respect for. One of their primary focuses is the health of their missionaries; spiritual, physical, emotional. Because of this value every so often we partake in learning sessions and additionally a few ‘debriefs’ throughout the 11 months; a set of a few days where Racers are able to enjoy down time and go through spiritual training and exercises. These exercises are meant to increase our knowledge of Biblical subjects, and ultimately proliferate our relationship with our Father.
Last month in Peru the voluntary teaching of deliverance of demonic possession was taught. If you are unfamiliar with deliverance, it is a Biblical term and it can be understood in many different contexts, the meaning I mean it to take here is simply to be delivered, or released (from the unwanted; evil.) The topic of deliverance is mentioned little in a lot of our churches today when compared to more ‘relevant’ topics in our modern day world. In my experience as a Christian the fact of demons has never been brought to attention, not in fellowship conversation, or Christian learning environments. It is more often that we see demons and evil forces on the screen in the horror movies that offer a sort of thrill to some. Even as a Christian I would question if the devil really walked the earth, if demons existed, if they were in our ‘modern’ world-today.
The truth and the fact is demons exist, and they are common. They are a present and fighting force. They were spoken of in the Gospels and encountered by Jesus himself and countless others. He sent out His disciples with explicit instructions to cast out demons in His name. This wasn’t metaphoric. Even though a lot has changed from Jesus’s life time to ours today, this is not one of them. Even Christians, true believers can and may be possessed by demons. Mary Magdalene was possessed by 7 demons, during the time she confessed Jesus son of God until she was delivered by Jesus in the flesh. (Mark 16:9) The teaching I had listened to (preached by Pastor Rob Reimer) mentioned that unclean spirits can take place or possession in individuals because of a few ways, ways such as individual sin, curses, or even generational sin. There may be more I am not educated on. Upon learning more about the demonic world, God reminded me that although unclean and evil spirits can take place in Christians (and non-Christians) as children of God, our Father has gifted us a greater authority over demons and the devil himself. We do not need to be afraid. After I had listened to the teaching I permitted myself a few days to meditate in thought and in prayer. However I knew already Jesus was calling me to do more, which lead me to step two.
Kelsey and Wes are the names of our two spiritual leaders who run the Race with us. They are previous World Racers and have been called into leadership with our squad. They have also been trained by Rob Reimer himself the method of deliverance and how to carefully and safety deliver Christians from demon possession.
If you haven’t already presumed, I asked to be delivered in Jesus’s name. It went something like this. Wes, Kelsey and I spent a few minutes in prayer before we began. We sat in a small and quiet room. Kelsey led, she prayed for protection, for darkness to come to light, for truth, for the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill the room. She began to ask me, my eyes closed, a set of questions to test whether or not there were unclean spirits inside of me. I remember a few, my answers grew weaker. She spoke directly to the spirit and asked it’s (or their) name(s). What happened next took my breath from my lungs. My body filled with a new sensation from my feet and rushed to my head without time in between. I shook, hyperventilating, tears came and my eyes fluttered beyond control. She asked its name, once, twice, three times, my eyes shook when she called. This went on for several minutes until Kelsey called my name. The spirit didn’t speak, neither did I. Soon I spoke His name 3 times to bring me back to calm, ‘Jesus’. I was not afraid. We discussed now, they asked me if I heard anything from the Spirit, words, pictures- nothing. But I spoke into my reaction, what brought me to this chair in the first place. I know I have un-forgiveness in my heart.
A dangerous sin.
Walls I know I have, walls I can never seem to climb, strongholds I do not have enough strength for, for years it’s lived and grew into hidden bitterness, resentment, anger, pain. A sin in which I never knew its power. We prayed again, we were going to try again, for deliverance. I sat quiet in prayer, head bent down, eyes closed as I was prayed over. Then my head grew buoyant, it slowly rolled up until it was fully back, my eyes shook, my breaths grew loud. The spirit refused to speak and tell its name, the ground that it stood. Minutes past and the physical reaction grew weaker, Kelsey called my name. This is when we talked about the steps I needed to take next to break the grounds on which my demons could stand. Things I still need God to walk me through, so I can be delivered, so I can be free from my sin, from the grips that hold me closer to darkness and away from my God.
Since that last day of August, the last day of Peru, God has taught me so much. Every day I am learning more. Every day I am growing stronger. Since that day I have felt one other physical manifestation from the spirits. They came to the surface when I was speaking against fear in Jesus’s name. But my words spoke power, God was in control, I felt the Holy Spirit. He was there, like always. I am not ashamed of who I am, where I have come from, what has happened to me. I have experienced the Lord in so many ways, I have heard His voice loud and clear. I will be delivered. When I am set free, how much more will I feel the love of my Father, how much more will I do good in His name? My faith has not, and will not waiver. Blessed are those who endure trails of many kinds because (we) know that the testing of (our) faith produces perseverance. (James 2-4.) This, this is only a story of how God had used demons to draw me closer to Him. We will face the fight, and We will win.
Will you pray to our Father for me? When He tells me it is time, I will sit back in that chair with Wes and Kelsey and the chains that bond me will be broken. The grounds on which the demons stand will fall. Please freely speak my story, and ask those you trust and who are close to the Lord for more prayer.
Praise be to the Lord for He will bring beauty for ashes.
Love always, Christina
Isiah 61: The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind of the broken hearted to proclaim freedom from the captives and release from darkness the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour, and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all who mourn, and provide those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise, instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated, they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations (…) Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace, you will rejoice in your inheritance and you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. For I the Lord love justice (…) I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For He has clothed me with the garment of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels, for as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seed to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations
