When I originally posted "What's wrong with you?" I figured I would post Part II the following day. However, God had a different plan. He has revealed to me an additional part of this battle just this past week. I apologize for the delay!
In order to fully realize the depth of my body image issue I had to choose to no longer live in denial. Denial that I have struggled with multiple eating disorders, even right before the World Race. Denial that for most of my life, I have been more concerned with the world's image of me more than God's. Denial that I have worshipped a thin, controlled body and obsessed over my looks. Denial that I have placed my appearance before God.
After becoming conscious of these things, I was able to repent and ask for God's forgiveness and grace. And since, with His help and the guidance from several wise women, I have been on the road to recovery.
For those of you who have or are too struggling with the body image bear, it is important to combat the following FALSE realities:
MEDIA
Endorsements and merchandisers all imply that if we want a beautiful body, we must purchase this or that. Thanks to a degree in Marketing, I've learned that marketers will do or say just about anything to sell a product. It is their job to sell more and earn more money. Therefore, we have to recognize that the intentions of these people/companies mostly likely are not to strengthen our godly image of ourselves.
EVER-CHANGING BEAUTY STANDARDS
As Westerners, our idea of beauty has changed every few decades, for example, during the Renaissance, round and rotund was the ideal. In the sixties, a beautiful woman was the Marilyn Monroe prototype: average height, blond, buxom, and curvy. Ten years later, curvy Marilyn was out and pencil-thin Twiggy was in, strutting across the runway. Even if we tried, how could we to keep up with this fickle view of beauty?
FEAR
One of my main issues with my body image has always been fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of rejection. Fear of becoming "ugly" or "fat". Paranoia settled deep in my stomach every time I visited one of my friends I most often compared myself to or I visited my boyfriend. I was afraid they would notice the things I hated most about myself and that they wouldn't love me as much.
DID I REALLY BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE WOULDN'T LOVE ME AS MUCH IF I DIDN'T MEET THEIR STANDARD OF BEAUTY?
The heartbreaking answer is YES.
It was hard for me to post that last blog. Even in the last moments of editing, I had fears of how people would respond. However, I knew in my heart it was exactly what God was calling me to do. This is not a subject that will forever dissipate after reading the following truths, but it will challenge many of the strongholds Satan has held against us. I encourage you to declare them aloud, apply them to your own life and start to discover true freedom in Christ Jesus!
BALANCE
I can make wise choices about my appearance as well as be anchored firmly in who I am in Christ. I can know that my efforts to beautify my face and body are not attempts to gain worth and value, but simply to be the best I can be.
Some of choose to go overboard on the grace and acceptance by saying "God loves me like I am" and then choose not to make healthy choices. Then others go overboard on the law and discipline, obsessing over their bodies to the point it becomes sin (my struggle). We must find the balance between accepting who God made us and being responsible with the body God gave us!
TRUTH
My body does not belong to me, but to God. It should be used only to bring glory to God. The way I treat my body should be in accordance to what is pleasing to God.
Some great advice I was given:
"As negative thoughts come in, because they will come, don't dwell on them. We have a power within us that can fight this battle for us. Let the thought go as soon as it comes in. We need to choose to live in the truths and choose to shut down the lies. There is strength within us, from Jesus Christ living in us. We need to tap into that and fight to shut down the lies before they sink further in and take us on a rabbit trail of one lie to another until we are sinking in a pool of lies."
GRACE
I am reminded that God's grace is the very thing that is "training [me] to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live [a] self-controlled, upright, and godly [life] in the present age" (Titus 2:12 ESV). This principle leads me to see that while I have freedom in Christ, that freedom is never to be used in a way that will stain my Christian testimony.
With this recognition, we must be good stewards of the body God has given us. We all know the verse "Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit" but do we really apply it to us? There are women who have nice figures that choose to eat junk food and haven't worked out since high school gym class. We also know women who work out for hours at a time and then only feed on organic salads who rarely see the scale change. If we are faithful to take care of our bodies, we must give ourselves some grace.
GOD'S PERSPECTIVE
Outward adornment and beautification are fine, but they should never become what drive me. If I spend more money, time, and effort developing my outward beauty than my inner woman, I need to rethink my priorities. I can't let the world control what I believe to be beautiful.
"If there are things that make you feel better about yourself…its ok to enjoy that! With wisdom, celebrate how God made you. Do your part to be the best YOU you can be…so you know you have done your part…and then just let the rest goooooooo."
If we see our bodies through the insatiable eyes of the world, we will always see a distorted image. But if we choose to see our bodies through the eyes of our Creator instead, we will see clearly- that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made".
One thing that has really transformed since leaving home is my view of beauty. Who is beautiful? Why do I think so? I have been to 8 countries across the world with VERY DIFFERENT views of what beautiful looks like. The old saying has proven to be true that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Here are some pictures of the beautiful women I've been in contact with thus far:
Coming full circle, I want to reiterate the reason Pastor Moses asked "What's wrong with you?" In his right mind, he could not figure out how a "beautiful" girl like myself could have a problem with my appearance and comparison. He didn't see any of the things I've, at times, hated about my appearance because he sees me as a sister in Christ- through the lens of our Lord Jesus.
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
REMEMBER, YOU ARE A ONE OF A KIND MASTERPIECE- THE HANDIWORD GOD!
"You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless." (Song of Solomon 4:7 Message)
"I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:14 ESV)
