I came on this race knowing only one thing for sure. That I was supposed to be on this race, this route and that was it. No idea what God was doing with me. The team I was on started off at rock bottom when it came to unity, getting along and just liking one another. The thing about being at the bottom is you only have one way to go; up. As we went into our first three months things got better. We could also see where others were hitting roadblocks that we had barreled through already and were glad for our growth. Each month there was something different learned about community and how to live in it. We were changing too. God was doing a work in us and it didn’t matter if we liked it or not. He is so hard to argue with but of course I did my best. He wanted to go places that I was not ready to face. God was calling me out and I dug in, not wanting to let go. Guatemala was my battle ground. My team was a casualty but bless them, they hung in there. They had no idea what was going on and at the time I wasn’t really sure myself. We had debrief at the end of the month and a light bulb started to come on. I was starting to understand what God was wanting and I was frightened. I have had “walls” in my life for so long how on earth could I live without them. My doubt was my downfall and God kept calling. Month three I had a lot of time to start taking a brick or two away and whatda ya know? I was fine; it wasn’t the end of the world as I knew it. But then came team changes. We knew that this was coming. Our three squad leaders that we had started out the race with were soon heading home and needed to raise up new leaders in their place. Most, if not all, our team had a feeling that our team leader was going to be one of them and by the end of the month we were sure. What was left to wonder is how they would redo the teams.
I did not take the change well at all. I was with none of my other team mates and was put on a team that had four people who had just spent the last three months growing together. What the… Not a happy camper what so ever. I was still taking baby steps and learning to open up and let myself be vulnerable. Hello that took THREE months just to get that far and now I had to start all over with this new team. I didn’t know if I had it in me. I didn’t know if I wanted to even find out. God laughed at me and my doubt but gave me time during our travel days to catch up to what he had in mind. It was not good. God was calling me out and this time he was not letting me baby step it. He was done and was ready for me to move my butt. It really does no good to argue so I took a deep breath and stepped.
Romania was a new chapter with a new set of characters and it was workable. I let go of a lot and my new team really was going to be ok for me. I was given a new look on what I was taught growing up and took to heart what God had been telling me over and over again. Change was inevitable and I lived through it. I am now opening up more and my team has a big role in that. Every now and then they will ask a question and I dig to see what “wall” that hits on the most, then tell them about it. I hate crying but when I do I know that is right where God wanted to work in me. So that is where I am at in my journey and I don’t know how far I will get in the next six months. I do know that God has me in a good place, with good people and that makes me smile.
