This month has been hard.
Moldova, oh what have you done to me? Okay, that’s not exactly fair, I can’t blame it on Moldova or our lack of ministry this month.
We are in the poorest country in Europe. Over half the population in the past 10 years has left. Just up and left and moved on out.
We are in a very spiritually dark place in Moldova. I could go on and on about how dark it is here and how it’s such a burden spiritually.
I’m homesick. I’m a spiritual wreck. My health went down hill fast this month. I’m in so much pain when I eat. No clue why. So, I don’t eat much these days. I try and try and try but then I just get sick. My stomach ends up hurting so bad I just can’t stand it.
It also doesn’t help that on top of me feeling spiritually weak, that the two people who have my heart and whom I adore are in serious pain.
My bestfriend Payton Runnels is in serious back pain constantly and is fighting to stay here on the Race because of it.
The other person who has my heart, Travis, is going home 2 months early due to Malaria and was forced to leave Tanzania because of it and go and seek health care in Kenya. That breaks my heart so much for both of them and to talk with them knowing how sick and injured they are.
I love both of them so much and my heart just squeezes and oozes pain and sympathy for them. If you could please pray for them, that’d be great.
Then, of course, there’s the fact that due to funding I may go home.
I’m living in a tent right now with two ladies on my team who have really picked up the pieces of my heart and glued them back together. The guys on my team, my brothers, have done everything they could to help me have peace in our living situation this month and to make me feel at ease. I truly love my team. We make the most out of the situation this month. Our funny foods, our sketchy drinking water, our non existent bathroom, the zero privacy to even change our clothes, the scary late night walks back from the restaurant or shopping. We have managed to laugh through it or help each other out when we are crying or feeling very home sick.
I’m so thankful. Thankful for the teammates God has given me, thankful that even though Payton and Travis are really sick they are still finding it in them to send me daily updates and encouragement. I love them both so much. I’m so joyful that even though I know I am weak, God is giving me clarity still and of course hope. Hope that funds will come through, hope that next month will be better, hope that I can persevere and stay in the game long enough to see next month in some sort of light.
I wish I could write a cheery update for you all to read but life isn’t always easy out here.
Still haven’t had a real shower in going on nearly 18 days! This is a record.
I washed my feet today and I was astonished that they were that white, I thought they were tan, turned out it was just dirt. Oops!
I’m gripping and grabbing for some sort of stability in my life. I know I didn’t sign up for comfort but I didn’t know it would be this hard physically and emotionally.
I truly am in love with God. I love Him so much! Even though I feel so low right now with a lot of things I’m still SO excited to see what God will do at the end of this month. It keeps me going in the mornings. When I wake up I know I will either be scraping paint or editing videos so our team has some cool updates to send back home. And all the while I’m struggling to get through it I just pray and hope God shows me some sort of rhyme or reason for what I am doing.
Also, my teammate Susan Neate wrote a letter to each of us the other night and it really struck a chord with me what she wrote to me. It really did move me. Basically, when I am too weak to pray for myself it was a gentle reminder that my teammates are fighting daily for me.
Here’s the letter she wrote
This is also considered feedback.
Christina,
God plans to make you a super missionary through your technological capabilities and strength in portraying and capturing the truth. Stop worrying about what other people think and expect from you. Focus on the plans God has for you. God will give you all the confirmation you will ever need!
Please keep positive expectations for yourself and others. God is telling me you are enough! Be confident in everything you do, knowing that it comes from Him.
I love your passion for this World Race. I want to see you fully living out this dream you’ve had every day. I want to see you develop the same respect and love for the nations as I have. YOU WILL FINISH THE RACE!
My cup is overflowing with love for you girl. I cannot express this enough. I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!
PS
I think one day you will become a great Christian reporter and journalist.
Susan Neate.
