But guess what, I'm not.
God has done SO many things in my life this past month.
He has taught me to not act in my flesh.
To lean on Him, in the hard times with my team, my personal life, and in the good.
To rejoice in whatever season (regardless of how short it may be) He brings you to.
He showed me that I am indeed free. Of course, I already knew that. But acting in freedom is completely different.
I realized that God loves me, He cares so deeply about what my heart desires.
He taught me to guard my heart.
To protect it.
He taught me that the heart deceives.
He taught me that the heart can love again, and that it's okay to do so.
He brought people, teammates into my life that pick me up when I'm heart broken.
He showed me that I can wear my heart on my sleeve.
He taught me that it's okay to love fiercely, to dream big, to put it out there. And that it's OKAY to be broken in a situation.
Today alone has been worth the fight that has been Moldova.
Moldova stirred up so many emotions in my heart.
Emotions that have been brewing and stirring since Ireland.
God's grace isn't limited. It's not boxed. It doesn't just go out to the broken hearted, the poor, the lost, the destitute. It goes to the nations, regardless of skin color. It goes so deep that my mind can't even ponder His love for us.
Grace is something I need to work on, regardless of how emotional I get over a situation.
Love is something you extend to someone even when you know you don't have it in you to fathom how you will go about doing it.
Love is when you know the other person messed up, but you give them grace anyways.
Faith is what you have when all else fails and you lean on Him to sort it out because you yourself can't.
Pray.
It's all I can do.
I have been stripped of everything.
Refined.
Getting sanded down to emotional nakedness.
Transparency.
Letting all see how wrecked I am.
Beauty.
What it means to be happy when you look at yourself.
Soul Ties.
What you have that you can't explain and know that it's there and sometimes needs to be cut.
This is such a scramble blog of so many emotions smushed into one.
Blogging.
What I should do when I least want to.
Love Drunk.
What my team/friends/family did for me today.
Scooped me up in their arms.
Carried me through the day.
Put their arms around me.
Told me I was beautiful.
Showed me I was beautiful.
Told me I was worth the fight.
Prayed for me.
Brothers.
The men on my team who protect me.
Love me.
Fight. Daily.
Listen to me when I cry on their shoulders.
Sisters.
The women on my team who make me laugh.
Who love me when I have mascara running down my face.
The women who sing me cheesey songs to make me feel better.
God through Moldova
You haven't ruined my race or changed my race.
You made my standard of myself elevate to a place I don't understand yet.
You wrecked me until all I saw was God.
I love you, Moldova!
Isaiah 50:4
The soverign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustaines the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.
