So, here I am. 1 week after being back in the States, the Mitten to be specific. Snow boots, mittens, hats, scarves, pea coats, ohhh the fashion of America and the clothes I have missed. But let’s be more practical and talk matters of the heart. What is going on?!?
I’ve had heart to hearts with other Race Alumni, I’ve cooked my own food that’s disease free, I’ve ran and pranced and jumped in the snow with my Siberian Husky, I’ve had skype dates, I’ve gotten frustrated, I’ve cried, I’ve been scared of the future, I’ve stayed up until 3am stalking job sites and mission sites.
WHAT is next?!?
I’m going to have exactly 2 months of rest. To get rid of random fevers, stomach aches, issues I never thought my body would have on a consistent basis. To readjust. To make sure mentally I’m in the game to go after whatever it is God has for me and physically too of course.
It is enormously difficult to have people who are close to you leave for another project while all you can do is sit and rest because you need it. It’s a funny thing, trying to understand that I’m not in the right mindset to go out to the Nations again but be so incredibly upset that those closest to you are doing it and you just can’t right now. “This is a season of rest” is what everyone keeps telling me, and it’s hard to hear. God Bless my friends for being so patient and polite with me during this time. For listening to me rant about how hard this is. I feel so useless. I feel annoyed. Do not misunderstand me, I do not regret coming home. I feel at peace and comforted knowing I am home and not on the field in another hospital with another random illness getting IV scars on my hands and arms and sobbing as they swipe my credit card to pay for visits I can’t afford. What I’m saying is…. WHAT IS NEXT?!?
Sure, yes, I can get a job. I can start my career. I can put those degrees to use and get my own place. I can get that job to support my friends and their mission endeavors. And I fully intend on doing that as soon as my 2 month commitment of rest is up. But! What about the friends, the awesome boyfriend, the church community here that is dropping projects in my lap saying “come do this! come to this country! help these people”…. to say that I have a plethora of invitations to go here there and everywhere is an understatement right now. I toss and turn every night with the question of………
what is God going to do with me??
I have yet to go to the grocery store because… well…. that is something that I feel only re-entry people can understand why. Going to the grocery store in America after being away for so long in 3rd world countries is like checking my e-mail- OVERWHELMING!
I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing right now. I already had a long talk with that Jesus feller and told him “Look, I’m confused. Can you please just show up like You usually do with a project on a silver platter for me? Thank You.” Because that is what praying for me looks like. God and I are real. We have practical conversations with one another. Sometimes they are not as straight forward as that, sometimes I’m sobbing, sometimes I’m angry. But most of the time I get a straight forward answer and the answer right now is “Wait and prepare” Geeze, thanks uhh God. What the heck does that mean? Prepare for what?
Wait for what?
So, although my days consist of coffee, long walks with my fabulous Siberian Husky, Instagram, skype, and journaling… I’m waiting on God for some action here.
That’s me, this is my process right now, this has been my first week. I apologize for not visiting, calling, texting, e-mailing, or writing to those closest to me right now. It’s hard. As soon as re-entry gets a bit easier I will do all those things with my close supporters, please bear with me!
If you would still be supporting me right now monetarily or through prayer, can I beg you to check out and consider supporting my favorite man of God? He is going to Guatemala for 4 months (or whenever the Lord says to stay or go) to start a base with Adventures in Missions. He also went on the World Race and is now onto more mission work. I want you to support him because he is intentional with how he pursues the nations and encourages the community around him through Christ. I can’t be the hands and feet of Jesus at this current time but he is, and he’s going and he needs the love and support of people like YOU!
Here’s how you can support him- you can go to his blog (he’s a great blogger) and donate or throw some encouraging words his way! Drop a comment on his blog, follow what him and that team are doing down there! It's exciting stuff and an exciting time for what they are doing down there!
http://travislee.theworldrace.org
