I NEED MONEY, Cops, Bullets, and other random musings

First things first, I need money. Yup, I’m not fully funded yet, I KNOWWWW I’ve been preparing for the race for like EVER but nope, I’m not there. Not even close! It’s coming in, slowly and surely and this is definitely God testing my patience but He has confirmed so many times to me and so many others that I’m supposed to be here! I’ve spoken at churches, been prophesied over, had complete and total strangers come up to me and tell me things that only God could have shared with them- this is it people, I’m going on the World Race and it’s only through YOU and your donations that God is going to work his grace through! Can you please forgo your strabucks this week and donate $5 to my support account, or how about that mani/pedi… can you donate that $30 to me, how about that round of golf, can you donate that $50 and that extra $20 for beer that you’re going to grab after that round?? Pretty please? I want to feed the homeless and dig wells and sleep on roach infested floors and get lice! All the crazy amazing experiences Racers get to do! Please! Deadline is May 6th which means really May 1st so it will show up in my account so I don’t have a heart attack on May 7th if it’s not in there! I will love you long long time and send you a post card!

 Cops! (bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do!) (Better watch out for those boys in blue)

Oh. My. Lanta! I’ve been pulled over TWICE in the past 2 days! Crazy, right? Yup! It gets even weirder. I was on my way home from Wine&Word aka Bible Study and I get pulled over because my head light was out- oops! The police officer looks at me, looks at my license, looks at me again, asks if I am indeed the missionary girl from the local paper and tells me to have a great night! No ticket, nothing but a smile and a have a great night! 

Last night I get pulled over again because I have 10 days to fix my headlight. I explained that to the next officer. He then told me that he felt like he needed to pull me over to keep me safe, nothing other than that but to keep me safe. A smile, a wink, and a nod later I’m on my merry little way. 

 I was at the gas station on the same night of my Wine&Word group, and also the same night I got pulled over and just as I was about to slide my card and pay for gas with the money I don’t have a man comes up to me and asks if he can fill up my tank for me.

 As my friend Amanda put it “God could not be making the path more clear to you if he beat you over the head”, well put, Amanda!

 But lets not forget that with the good comes the bad. With the light comes the dark. I took a bullet last week. A hardcore shook my soul and is still jerking it around, bullet! It was a magic bullet because it hit me in so many places. It hit my heart, my soul, my brain, my faith, my God, everything. I was told by a friend “You’re just too Christian”. Woah. I slowly died when I heard that. I felt like I was sinking into the sofa. The amount of pain and sorrow I felt was awful. There’s more to it but that was what was said.

 I’ve been mulling over and over and over and praying so hard over that statement that was made towards me. Too Christian? Me? The same girl who 2 years ago didn’t have Jesus at all! ME?!? The same girl who gave up missions once before? The same girl who was in a sorority and drank constantly? The same girl who never cared about anyone or anything except for herself? Me?!? I’m TOO Christian???? What did this mean? I’m not relatable because I talk about Jesus. I make people uncomfortable because I’m on fire for the Lord? Noooo! That’s not what I’m trying to do!!! Secretly I took this as a compliment but what the heck? TOO CHRISTIAN? Is that even a possibility? Most people are excited about my faith, this person was the exact opposite!

 I don’t think I have the gift of Compassion. I’m an old tough butt. I give tough love. I’m honest. Brutal. Cold. I’m not that warm fuzzy girl that gives hugs out like crazy. But I want to be! Sure, I do prison ministry, I do homeless feedings in Detroit, I smile, I wave at people I know across the church auditorium but warm and fuzzy isn’t something I would say I am. BUT this whole attack on my faith and being “too Christian” for someone has broken me. I can’t tell you what it feels like to literally have your heart break for someone because they don’t know Jesus Christ and aren’t really looking to, so much so that it bothers them that I’m so Christian! 

 I walked into church this morning and I loved the peaceful feeling that I get. It’s amazing! And then I wept inside for this person that is on my heart. I’ve been praying non stop for them. I’ve become this caring, compassionate, concerned for someone else and their walk with Jesus, person! Where is this coming from?? So, although I took a bullet on my walk with Jesus, I diverted it and it’s growing my faith! I now know what it truly feels like to desperately want to help someone. I can’t rescue them, I can’t save them, and believe me, I’ve tried- but the best thing I can do is to give it all to God and pray, pray, pray! I love this person, they don’t know that but God does! God knows I’m craving for them to walk with Jesus, and even though I’d love to scream it from the hilltops that I’m in love with Jesus, that I love this person, and that I want them to walk with God, I can’t. But I do find refuge and peace knowing that God knows it! I could flee, I could run, I could delete their number from my contacts, I could delete them off facebook, but I don’t want to, because I wear my heart on my sleeve and it pains me emotionally to not be near them and to not share Jesus with them. But God is in control. He knows what He is going to do. I just have to tough it out and understand that it’s God’s timing and somehow, that comforts me!

 And on that note, thanks for reading!

PLEASE DONATE! I’m desperate for some $$$$ in my account!!! POR FAVOR!!!

xoxo