I’m not ready.
I need more time.
I’m not strong enough.
I still have so much stuff to get together.
Maybe I’ll just go in a couple of months.
September would be okay, right?
BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT,
just listen.
These thoughts have been bouncing around in my head for a couple weeks now. Reality set in and I started to doubt His plans. I was driving home from work the other day and for the first time in 8 months, I was afraid to go.
My grandmother is my favorite person in the entire world. Everyone knows it. (Everyone also knows that I’m her favorite too.) A couple summers ago Ma fell and broke her hip. We decided as a family it would be best for her to live with us so we could all help take care of her. It’s been a truly awesome experience. She is the most caring person I have ever known because she never puts herself first.
Something heavy came over me as I was driving home that day. I couldn’t help but cry over the awful thoughts that were coming into my mind.
What if something happened to Ma while I was gone?
What if her mind gets worse and she doesn’t remember me when I get home?
What if she isn’t here when I get back?
Two days later, I was sitting in my bedroom and
I heard my mom call for me. She said she needed my help.
She said Ma was walking the dog and fell
in the street in front of our house.
I fell to my knees in tears. I couldn’t even walk outside. I felt hopeless. I felt defeated. I didn’t want to go anymore. I wanted to call it quits and take the easy route. I wanted to have control again.
But I do not have control and I cannot give up.
This calling is strong. I know without doubt that God has a plans to use me for His glory on this trip. I also know that Ma is the one who first told me about Jesus and His love for us. If I can trust Him to take care of me then who am I to doubt that He will take care of her?
(Update: When Ma fell that morning the rod holding her new hip together moved and cracked a bone. She didn’t have to have surgery but she is in a lot of pain and she’s not walking well right now. Also, the trauma made her mind a little bit worse than before but I have given my worries to the Lord and trusting that He knows what is best for her!)
My flesh may be weary but He is giving me NEW strength.
The peace is indescribable.
There are no adequate words to describe it and I know this is only
the beginning of completely handing over my life to Him!
This weekend I’m heading to Georgia to meet a group of people that I get to spend the next year of my life with. I am so excited to have a new family in Christ. Please pray for us as we prepare spiritually for the battlefields that we’re going to be stepping into. Pray that God gives us peace and strength as we take this leap of faith. (Also pray that all of our junk fits in our backpacks.)
On a lighter note, I have compiled a list of 11 things that I don’t know how I’m going to live without for the next 11 months.
11. Chickfila with a handful (literally) of Chickfila sauce and Diet Dr. Pepper.
10. Hair appointments with Alicia that make any day better!
9. My giant body pillow. {aka The Black Sheep}
8. Taking long baths.
7. Having a closet full of clothing options.
6. My iPhone.
5. Did I mention Chickfila?
4. My furry child that snuggles, Cammie.
(Although I trust he’s going to love his new home at my Aunt Beth’s!)
3. Alone time.
2. An awesome group of friends that keep a smile on my face.
1. My beautiful family and their unconditional support and love.
It's almost here, ya'll!
