I’ve noticed my blogging has tapered off significantly as this journey has gone on. I was laying in bed the last night trying to pin point why that is exactly. The best reason I came up with is that the longer I’m on this journey, the more time I spend living life “here” (wherever here is) and creating this new definition of “normal” (what is normal??) in my life, the harder I find it to put into words how I feel about it. Honestly, I don’t know what to think a majority of the time.
For example:
- It’s no longer strange to live out of a backpack.
- I don’t over think what I’ll wear for the day because I have 2 options: choose between the 2 clean shirts or wear the 1 dirty-ish one.
- “Goodbyes” at the end of each month have morphed to a series of mini break-ups, complete with all the emotions. love, and heartache.
- I’ve woken up countless nights not having a clue what country I’m currently in at the moment.
- I’ve seen joy and pain to the extreme.
- I’ve seen miracles happen in front of my face. People healed on the spot. (I have been healed on the spot myself.)
I can’t rationalize, process, understand, or grasp almost half of the things that have happened this year.
It’s a weird sensation to live a life of faith, giving up a majority of rational thinking to live a radical, irrational life. I think of how weird it is to live a life worshiping an unseen God, but at the same time, I manage to encounter Him in a tangible way. To me, He is as real as the wind against my face. He is this invisible force whose effects are clearly seen moving in the world around me. The dichotomy between the spiritual and the physical disappears. The lines become blurred and all of a sudden the two worlds collide. The scene that follows rivals the beauty of the greatest firework shows…
…and that’s where the words end.
I think the reason it’s so hard to put into words is because it wasn’t meant to be explained. It was meant to be experienced.
