You are nothing new to me.
I’ve seen you before.
I’ve encountered you here and there.
We’ve had a couple conversations.
I’ve even heard you speak.
But I came here tonight,
Not because I’m in trouble,
But because I’m tired.
I’m tired of the facade.
I’m tired of putting on a show.
I’m tired of knowing one thing with my mouth and another thing with my heart.
I’m tired of playing jail keeper,
Carefully guarding your cell,
Making sure you don’t escape and ruin my life with your own agenda and plans.
Here’s the thing,
For too long I’ve learned about you.
I’ve done the studies.
I’ve read the books.
I’ve been a student of your word.
But dammit,
I don’t want to fill my head with any more facts.
Why did you give me 5 senses if you weren’t going to be a part of all them?
Don’t give me an appetizer and leave me hungry for the main course.
I’m not leaving until I get what I want.
I’m done playing the part of the student.
I don’t just want the knowledge of you.
In the words of A.W. Tozer:
“I long to be filled with longing.
I thirst to be made thirsty still.”
I want you to take these dry bones inside me,
And just like you did in the valley,
I want you saturate them in living water.
Where head knowledge meets the heart,
And where heart feelings meet the head.
I want an explosion to take place inside me,
Where I finally live out from deep in my soul,
The things that I already know in my head.
I want an eruption to take place,
Like a volcano spewing out life in the form of rocks,
And where I let the light from the lava ooze out of my pores,
Until I am completely consumed and on fire.
But not just any fire.
I want holy fire.
The kind of fire that burns away all the filth and shit,
And leaves you standing with nothing but His image,
Etch in a statue of gold,
Reflecting the light of the Sun.
I want to know the joy of touching you,
Like when you dig your fingers deep into shag carpet,
Taking in every fiber of it composition,
And as if just for a brief moment,
The sensation of it overwhelms your face with a smile,
And you feel this innocence of your childhood again.
So that’s where I am.
And here is where I stand.
Tired of the games,
Not willing to play along anymore.
Ready and willing to encounter you,
Not just here and there,
Not just every now and then,
But all the time,
Everywhere,
And in every way.
