I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I had only lived there just shy of 4 weeks over a year ago. Yet, in a very real way, I felt like I was coming home.
I would like to say I didn’t have expectations, but I definitely did. I was just one girl in a sea of faces. A year ago, my team was the first of our program to visit. Since then, I knew of at least 3 more teams had visited and worked alongside the organization. In addition, the kids I was working with were young, like 3-6 years young. In my mind, my expectations were clear: the kids won’t remember me.
Short-term mission trips come with their own set of skeptics and critics. I know. I’m one of them. You go to a location for a few weeks or a couple of days, sometimes even just a hour or two. Then, you leave with the high probability never to return again. “What’s the point? Am I really making a difference here? Am I doing anything significant?” It’s so easy to let the lie in:
It doesn’t even matter.
If I focus solely on my efforts and abilities, if I limit results based off what I’m capable of, then it’s true, I’m not making a difference. No amount of time would change that, whether it was a hour, a year, or a lifetime. Nothing I can say or do in of myself can radically transform a life, set someone free from addiction, bring hope, life, peace, or joy. Christina is powerless. Thank God, it’s not dependent on me.
A few years ago, I met God face to face for the first time. From firsthand experience, He is much bigger, mightier, lovelier, and more powerful than I ever imagined. He doesn’t need years, months, weeks, days, or hours. A millisecond encounter with Him can change a life forever. I know. It happened to me. A. W. Tozer said, “I have tasted Thy goodness and it has both satisfied me and left me thirsty for more.” This is our God. This is His power. One taste of who He is and we can’t get enough.
He decided early on that we would be invited into this whole thing. It’s not my power, it’s His. Yet, He still invites me to the party to partake in His joy and love for people. All I have to do is show up and say yes. He sets of the fireworks. Staring into the sky, watching the brilliance and power of each explosion, leaves me both in awe and extremely humbled.
Monday morning, we picked the kids up from the street. I immediately recognized a few faces and was happy to see some new ones. The program is expanding! Then, I saw her: little Sarah. She looked at me and smiled. My heart skipped a beat. She had worn a smile last year but this smile was even bigger and brighter than I remembered. It was the smile of a girl who had been saturated in true love for the past year. I was convinced though she didn’t remember me.
Two days later, we were finishing up lunch when Sarah came over to me. I picked her up. She grabbed both sides of my face with her tiny hands, stared directly at me, smiled, then hugged me as tight as any 6 year old could. I put her down, and she grabbed someone who could translate from Khmer to English. “She remembers you,” the translator told me. “She said, ‘She was here when I was in preschool! Her picture is in the schoolroom.'” I looked down at her with almost tears in my eyes. She looked up at me with the same look I saw on her face the very first day we picked her up. 5 days with this angel over a year ago and she remembered me! I was able to spend a whole week with the organization. By the end of the week, I had found out Sarah wasn’t the only one to remember me. Several of the other kids did to.
So what’s the point of it all? What’s so special about being remembered, visiting a familiar place with familiar faces, stopping by for a hug? Does it really even matter?
To me, it matters. I’m just a speck in the lives of many. But if for that millisecond of a moment I can be a tangible representation of God’s love, then it’s all worth it. If I get the opportunity to revisit a place to remind someone that He still loves them, then that’s worth it too. In the end, as sweet as it is to me to be remembered, I hope as time goes on and my face fades into a blur, the Love I was able to share stays clear in each heart. Nothing else is worth the time, effort, or energy to accomplish.
