I have a confession to make. I broke a cardinal rule of the World Race. When I started this adventure back in January…
I had EXPECTATIONS.
I know! I know! What was I thinking?? Between all the blog posts, training camp, launch and even the last 7 months, I must have heard at least 100 times “No Expectations!” and yet, it still happened to me. I became a victim, caught up in the world of expectations.
I honestly thought I was okay. I was sure I didn’t have expectations. I thought I was saying to myself:
Do NOT EXPECT to live with four walls and a roof.
Do NOT EXPECT a bed to sleep on.
Do NOT EXPECT a warm shower.
Do NOT EXPECT to like the random food you will have to eat.
Do NOT EXPECT to ever eat American food, drinks, snacks, candy, etc.
Thus, based on my “lack of” EXPECTATIONS, I began to tell people about the crazy life I was about to live for God, how I was going to spend a year without the comfortable things, how I was going to be a person who sacrifices SOOO much to go on this adventure. “Hey, everybody! Look at what I am about to do! Look at ME!”
So I left for the World Race, ready for the roughest, toughest situations. My first month was spent in Guatemala. I slept in a dorm-like room, on a bed, with warm showers. We cooked our own meals every night (which means it tasted good and had a touch of the American-style). There was also a McDonalds nearby; it was even nicer than any McD’s I’ve seen in the States!
But that was just an anomaly…right?? After all, I had a reputation to live up to this year. I had a whole list of “no expectations” I had to complete. I had to show the people just how “sold-out for Christ”–that’s Christianese for “committed to Christ”–I really was! I had created my own definition for “a person who sacrifices soo much.” I had boasted about how great of a humanitarian I was going to be by living on/with so little. But based on my standards…I was falling short.
In hindsight, I know what I was actually saying to myself initially was:
I EXPECT to live in my tent.
I EXPECT to sleep on the ground.
I EXPECT cold showers all year.
I EXPECT to dislike a lot of the food.
I EXPECT to go this whole year without American food.
Unknown to me, I now had all the EXPECTATIONS. Therefore, without fully knowing it, I started reacting to those expectations. I refused to eat at the American places. I bought local snacks over Doritos and Lays. I chose to not use the hot water heater in the shower. I spent some nights sleeping on a wooden coffee table instead of inflating my sleeping pad. I got upset when my teammates turned on the air-conditioning in our house. Which was fine until I began judging the other World Racers around me when they preferred those things. After all, I HAD to! I had put way too much stock and pride into what I expected this year to look like that I couldn’t just let it go. I was missing out on aspects of the WR because of my expectations. That’s why they say “No Expectations!”
When showed up in Malaysia, I was once again confronted by the fact that my living conditions were going to err on the side of “comfortable.” Thankfully, everything was brought into perspective. We were sitting around a table in the music academy with our host, Pastor Mark. It was warm, and a couple of us were clearly starting to sweat. PMark looked at us and said, “I want you to be comfortable. So if you ever start to feel too warm, you can turn on the AC.” We smiled and nodded. No one moved. “You can turn on the AC if you would like…” More nods. “Would someone please go and turn it on…” We all started laughing…and turned on the AC.
In that moment, it hit me. Pastor Mark is an incredible host. He is so hospitable it’s inspiring. He enjoys giving us good things. He enjoys giving us not just what we need, but also what we want. We have a toaster, a microwave, a fridge. We even have shower caddies in the bathroom! PMark blesses us so much! If I had let my expectations of this year get in the way, I would have missed out on the opportunity to be blessed by all PMark has gone out of his way to do for us. Worse yet, I would be denying him the joy that comes with blessing others!
The Bible says that we are blessed to be a blessing. I have been given countless examples of this from the hosts and the people we have encountered along our way this year. They have blessed me in countless ways with all the comforts, gifts, opportunities they have been given. The last thing I would want is to make them feel bad about doing something nice for me because I have too much pride in a “homemade” reputation.
It’s been 7 months, and I have yet to spend a night in my tent. I’ve had countless warm showers. And the cold ones…when one lives in Southeast Asia in the summer, there comes a point when the showers aren’t cold enough! I’ve gain over 15 pounds eating some incredible dishes from all sorts of cultures. As it is, I actually don’t expect to live in a house, or have warm showers, or like everything I eat, for the rest of this adventure. But now, when I’m given those things, instead of seeing it as an attack on my “reputation”, I am able to see it as the blessing it was intended to be. It just so happens, it was given to me unEXPECTedly!
