Quick miracle newsflash:
I am now fully funded for the rest of the World Race! =)
God provided more than the $15,500 I needed to complete this journey! So thank you so much to YOU, my loyal blog readers, supporters, and prayer warriors – WE DID IT! 🙂 Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your treasure awaits you in Heaven 🙂
If you are still interested in supporting me with additional monies needed for supplies on the field, emergencies, travel excursions, or just plain being able to bless the people I come into contact with- you can contact me via email to make a direct bank deposit, or you can donate via paypal to [email protected]
I also have teammates that are in need of support still, so let me know if you feel led to help keep them on the Race with me 🙂
Now to the blog post I promised you on
'Redefining Humility'…
I was always told being humble was a good thing. And it is. That's true.
But from what I understand of 'the enemy' (yes- I believe there is 'an enemy'. If there's Good- and I know there is; then there's also evil). The enemy uses a bit of truth to confuse us into believing a lie. I mean, I think we can all agree that the best lies always have some twisted truth to them.
And I've been believing a lie.
Let me explain:
I've been blessed to receive a lot of compliments in my life. About how I act, how I look, the things I do, etc, so I've always been super careful not to let these compliments 'go to my head.' Because in a way, I think people (who don't know me) expect me to get all puffed up, and I want to prove them wrong.
I share this story, to let you know where I am coming from:
Several of the girls on my World Race team, after getting to know me a few months into the Race, confessed, "We were really intimidated by you at Training Camp. We didn't even want to talk to you. You showed up, and you were so pretty and confident. And you were with Eddie the whole time, so yeah- we were intimidated." (Eddie is this tan, athletic, surfer-dude from my home town – the only person I I knew on my squad- so naturally I clung to his side for the first day.
Sidenote: Even though I'm very outgoing, I am strangely intimidated my large groups of people who I am introduced to with that whole: "This is your new family! Go make best friends!" Training Camp reminded me of joining my sorority in college, "Welcome! These are your new sisters! Go love them!" But that experience, like the World Race, also turned out as a fantastically wonderful. I digress…)
The girls didn't like me, from the start. Because that's how girls are. I know this. I am a girl. So I am always super careful to be humble, let compliments roll off my back, laugh at myself, use self-deprecating humor, and keep things comfortable for every one in every way I can possibly think to do so.
But I didn't realize this my very "whatever" attitude had carried over into my spiritual life.
And it had.
We do this thing on the World Race called 'Feedback'. It's when we tell one another what we're doing well and what we might be able to do better. So when I receive "positive feedback" during 'Team Time' here on the World Race, it's usually about spiritual stuff. And every time my teammates have said positive things to me, there's like this recording in my head after they speak that plays over and over saying:
"Don't let it go to your head!"
"Say 'thank you' and receive it, but stay hungry to be better
… you're a work in progress…"
I got used to hearing that recording and I thought this was a good thing.
But one night this past month after Team Time- the very same Team Time where I received my 'revelation' about the word "discipline", my Squad Leader Sidney Anne told me something that resonated so deep in me:
"Christina,
when we give you feedback about what we see God doing in you
and what we see are your 'spiritual gifts',
these are NOT compliments, Christina.They are affirmations of who you are in Him."
"…When you look in the mirror,"
she said,
"I bet you see a normal girl who is trying to grow and doing an OK job.
Doing well, but normal. Right?"
"Yes," I agreed, humbly. (hah!)
"But you're NOT just a normal girl, Christina -you are extraordinary! What God has blessed you with and what He is doing in you is extraordinary. And these are NOT compliments, Christina! These are affirmations of who you are!
You are a great woman of God.
When are you going to STOP TRYING to become a great woman of God and realize that you already ARE?"
"Whoa." I thought to myself.
"There's no need to be humble about these things," she continued, "these are the gifts that your Father has given you! Be confident in them!"
Then Sidney drew a parallel to the friendship bracelets I wear on my wrist. I have one with someone special from each of the countries I have visited so far on the World Race. I am proud of them and I confidently share with people about what they mean and who they represent.
She told me my spiritual giftings are the same way. I should be comfortable in boldly sharing with people,
"My Father gave me this, my Father gave me this, and -oh, yeah- He blessed me to be able to do this, too!"
But I've doubted, constantly. I've wondered: "Do I see miracles?", "Is God's glory really revealed through me?", "Am I really one of those spiritual people who experience God in a tangible way?", "Am I really letting him use me to the best of my ability?", "Am I really making the most of the resources He's blessed me with?", "Am I really giving Him my best?", "Am I really giving Him what I know He's asked of me…my everything?"
As I sat there with Sidney Anne & Kayla, I decided to ask God these questions.
"How have I experienced YOU, God?"
Immediately I felt Him reply back to me,
with a heavy heart,
and almost with tears in His eyes:
"After all that we've been through together…after all this time, you don't remember?
You can't think of how you've experienced me?
You can't remember the miracles I've shown you? After all this time…?"
And I felt the heaviness of My Father's heart.
So with tears streaming down my face, I asked Him, "Remind me…"
And immediately memories of His power revealed started popping into my head.
And after each one that came to mind, I felt Him egg me on…asking me, "What else?!"
Having supernatural peace over quitting a job with no plan.
What else?
Peace after ending a relationship of 3 years.
Yes, What else?!
My mom being healed after complications from a hysterectomy.
And, What else?
His provision of more than $15,500 for this mission trip
Yeah?! What else?!
Financial and medical miracles for Clara that I prayed for in Romania.
And the list went on! 🙂
That's when Kayla (my teammate) said to me:
"God wants me to tell you that 'You are My Miracle'.
Your life is His Miracle.
What you've walked through and walked out of. What you've seen and avoided.
The fact that you are even here.You are His Miracle."
And that's when I lost it 🙂
Through sobs of joy, I told Kayla,
"You don't know this but my Mom couldn't have any other kids. She had 5 miscarriages; 3 before me and 2 after me. I was 6 weeks early and only 4 pounds, 5 oz. I wasn't supposed to make it.
My grandma used to called me
"Milagritos"
("Little Miracle" in Spanish)
my whole life!"
And that's when Kayla lost it! 🙂
With tears streaming down her face she said,
"I didn't know that, Christina! How would I have known that?!
You ARE His miracle, Christina. You are His miracle.
And He wants you to be confident in that."
And ya know what, I AM!
And I am no longer afraid to say it! It doesn't mean I'm prideful- I no longer believe that lie!
I'm not proud of myself- I am proud of WHO HE IS in and through me!
I am not gonna let "humility" get twisted into something it's not.
There's a difference between 'being humble in the flesh' and 'being humble in the spirit' –and I had never made that distinction.
God wants us to remain humble in the flesh, but he wants us to be proud of His spirit in us. Confident in exactly who He says we are.
True humility is knowing who you are and who you are not.
My team had me make I list of who I am; who He is in me.
These are not compliments to myself, they are affirmations of who I am in Him!
- I hear from the Lord.
- The Lord speaks through me.
- I speak life to others.
- I listen to other people with my Father's ears.
- And I speak to others using my Father's voice.
- I see the world with my Father's eyes.
- I make time for people because God makes time for them.
- I love people with my Father's love.
- I have my Father's heart.
- I have my Father's insight.
- I have my Father's wisdom.
- I am prophetic.
- I am a vessel used by the Lord.
- I am filled to overflowing.
- I give Him my everything.
- I am Spirit Led.
Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.
Proverbs 29:23
I honor the Lord.
And I'm not afraid to say it anymore 🙂
I am His miracle …and I it's OK for me say it!
