I'm Really Doin This!
So for some reason I have been pracrastinating getting this all started. Maybe it's because I procrastinate just about everything. Except for procrastinating itself. I seem to jump right into that. 😉
This particular morning of procrastination I find myself sitting on my porch here in sunny South Florida, in 80 degree weather 2 days after Christmas. With Christmas gifts still sitting on my bedroom floor, lots of old friends still in town visiting, the question of what to do for New Years Eve dancing in the back of my mind… I'm wondering, am I really doing this? This World Race 11 months in 11 countries insanity-in-the-name-of-serving-God adventure?
I've been talking about it for weeks. Praying about it for months. But I haven't REALLY taken a lot of active preparation steps. I haven't announced it publicly to the world (aka: post it on Facebook — that is about as official as it gets these days), sent out any support letters, written my first blog post, or even purchased the first of my supplies for this 11 month trek.
In the midst of my procrastination this morning, I picked up Tim Tebow's 'Through My Eyes' book that I bought for my Dad for Christmas. And I found some inspiration – and some conviction.
Tebow shares, 'Although God is in control of the big picture, I am responsible for how I use my platform — whatever it's size at this moment in time– to influence others.' … 'We all have life experiences that can bless the lives of others. Whoever we are. No matter our age or station in life. Stories that, when shared with others, can make positive difference in the world.'
So I guess this is my platform. This is where it beings. And it's my responsibility to start using it.
I gotta tell you, if I'm being real with you, when I think about this adventure I'm embarking on, it still doesn'ts seem real. It seems like some daydream, some idea, some 'one-day' adventure. But this is happening. This IS real. I am going. I think my procrastinating is a defense mechanism. If I don't start sending out letters, buying supplies, writing blogs, then it ISN'T real. And why would it be easier if it weren't real? Because I'm scared out of my mind! I'm scared stiff!
How on earth am I going to get 11 months worth of what I might need into a backpack? How on earth am I going to go 11 months without seeing my friends? How am I going to 11 months without a hug from my mom? How am I going to spend the holidays of 2012 away from my family? How am I going to be strong enough to serve as a vessel bringing God's love and peace to people on all ends of the earth when I can't even get through this blog post without my eyes wellling up with tears?
How? It's beyond me, my friend. I have no earthly idea. And that is why I think I am doing this. I am reaching out into a realm that is not of this earth.
I've talked about my faith my whole life. And I've recently prioritized it #1 importance in my life. And I think this — the sacrificing of my lifestyle, my comforts, my security blankets of all shapes, sizes, and names — this is how I can start walking in that faith in a REAL way that will change not only my life but the lives of all the people I am blessed to interact with. I have NO clue how this is all going to work out, but I know WHO will work it out for me, if I'll only let him.
God has been tugging at my heart, pulling me into this wild adventure with Him leading the way. How do I know that? Because I would never in my right mind decide to do something like this! hah. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love to travel, but backpacking? Camping? No thanks. I'll take a rolly suitcase and a hotel room. But that's not the course God has charted for me – at least not for 2012.
Like my family has been reminding me: This is extreme. It's radical. It's unneccessary. But I'm pretty sure that's what we've been called to. To be extraordinary, to be different, to have peace beyond all circumstances, and joy beyond all understanding. To love unconditionally. To serve even when we have little to share. To rely wholly on God. To hand him over the keys and let him drive. That sounds pretty extreme. Pretty radical. Maybe even a little unnecessary. But so was what Jesus did on the Cross for us 2,000 years ago. And I don't think he regretted it.
This is my platform. It's not going to be easy. But, I am doing this. Scared. Excited. Procrasinating. Did I mention scared? Either way, I'm doing this.
I'm really doin this.
