The day I ruined my mother’s newly remodeled shower.
Marble tile + Lime Away = Not a good mix. In a 30 second window of time I managed to ruin a newly remodeled bathroom shower.
And as the day continued to unfold, things got worse and worse, and I became even more broken down. It wasn’t just the shower. It was my whole life. How many times had I failed miserably from my faithful attempts? All I wanted to do was be a good kid and clean the bathroom for my tired mother. All the feelings of inadequacy that I had kept at bay broke through the dam I had built to keep them in. I was a pathetic excuse of a human being, and the only thing I deserved was the painful death that was borrowed from me at the cross. Who was I to ask for anything more than that? Satan had been working on me. And he finally found his way in. Through sheer exhaustion, and brokenness, I let him win. He had me. He had me convinced that going on the World Race was not what the Lord wanted for me. Who was I to change to the lives of the broken? I could not even clean a bathroom right, let alone clean up people who have been abandoned and neglected. Even my most righteous acts are filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6), and all the scripture memorization in the world didn’t prepare me for that moment. The moment when life comes down to one thing. Faith. And that day I lost it.
I had decided to back out of the World Race, to start living a life of normalcy, to follow the rules set by the culture I grew up in, and to give up the spirit bestowed to me. I hadn’t left yet. It would only be a missed opportunity on my part. However, something led me to watch the videos of a World Racer that had just finished his race. And through the song in that video the Lord reminded me to try. That it is trying that makes the difference between succeeding and failing. For the Kingdom is built by the tries of man, and the success by God doing the rest.
This month is about trying. Our ministry this month is called Unsung Heroes.
My life is sitting in restaurants, coffee shops, and parks, meeting people where they are. It is finding out what people need. Which is different from other months on the Race. Usually we are given our assignments. Usually we are given a general schedule.
We don’t have deadlines. We don’t have schedules.
Is it the easiest thing in the world? No.
Do I feel like a failure a lot of the time? Yes.
But I am trying.
Here in this place, more than I have in the previous months I have learned the importance of just being. Learning to let go of all expectations. Embracing silence. Embracing the everyday moments. In disagreements. In laughter. In dance parties. In being open and vulnerable. In having conversations with local coffee shop owners. In walking the streets of Sofia, and looking for opportunities. Yea, some days are easier than others. Yet it is through our trying that we are redefining how we see the kingdom. We are finding grace in new ways, and we love uncomfortably. This is the lesson of an Unsung Heroes month. That He is simply displaying the power of just hanging out with people. The more we try, the more the Lord is revealed
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