I have always loved to dance. When I was a kid I remember getting grounded on more than one occasion for dancing in my room instead of doing my chores. I don’t know I just always have had a constant soundtrack going in my head.
I have also always wanted to dance before the Lord. However I’ve never felt like I was free enough to do so.
Our ministry this last month was taking Jesus into the Red Light district of Chiang Mai. Being light in the streets and bars where the darkness of sex trafficking strangles out any hope. While sex trafficking in the States is a more hidden, in Thailand it is in plain sight.
My days were filled with covering Thailand and the city of Chiang Mai with prayer. My nights were filled with talking to prostitutes, just taking the time to get to know them. Investing in who they are because rarely do they meet someone who doesn’t want to use their bodies for their own selfish reasons. And while our ministry looked very different that month than it has on any of the Race, that month was about the power of living out Jesus.
One of my favorite parts about last month was the fact that we had the chance to do quite a bit of intercessory prayer. Half of us would go into the bars while the other half stayed back and prayed through that time. This part of ministry was just as important as going out into the bars, and I can attest- prayer changes things.
The first night I did intercessory prayer was powerful in so many ways, because for the first time in my life I found myself dancing for Jesus. I danced for His honor. I danced for His glory. I danced for His praise. That night I danced wild and free, like David in the streets… only with clothes.
So why was I able to dance now and not before?
Well, first let me say, I have not had a horrible race. If anything, it has been a race full of growth and experience. Yet it is through adversity that beauty shines forth. Cynthia Occelli said, “For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”
The last 4 months of my Race weren’t the greatest. They were full of frustration and heavy weights being piled onto my shoulders. The first 4 months of my race, a lot of lies from the enemy were identified, and I had started to conquer them little by little. Then in month 5, we had our 3rd team change. At first it seemed all right. However soon I realize that something was wrong. I found myself constantly frustrated, and all the progress that I had made the first 4 months started to unravel. By Malawi debrief, I was a mess. I was tired of fighting. My heart was no longer in the team.
Now please do not take the previous paragraph to be that I hated my team. No not at all. That team is an incredible group of individuals. One of those people I consider to be one of my closet friends. We did ministry well together. We had great times together, and while those 4 months were a constant struggle, I don’t regret them.
In order for a bird to truly fly free, joyfully loving every moment that it has, it first has to be caged up. Knowing what it is like to be confined, then and only then will it appreciate the freedom it is given.
With our last continent change of the Race came a new team, and my cage door was opened.
Freedom had come. And that night I released myself fully into the arms of the Lord.
Would the “me” before have danced for Jesus? No. I would have looked longingly at those who did. Yet in those moments I felt free enough with those around me that I was able to release myself into the arms of the Father, and finally do something I had wanted to do for so long, dance. And dance I did. And I haven’t stopped since.
