“Look into the mirror and ask God what He sees.”
There I sat, seventeen years old in a dark room in front of a large mirror on one of my first missions trips.
God speaks? I’ve never heard him…
“Okay God, tell me what you see”
Loving daughter, straight A student,sister,girlfriend,best friend, soccer player, president of many clubs?
Silence
More Silence and now Frustration
Okay God it’s clear You see Nothing in me!
I felt a warm hand laid gently upon my shoulder.
“God wants me to tell you that He wants you to find your identity in Him alone,
not on the things you do or the people you are with”
Wow, God speaks!? I have no idea who this girl is, she has no idea that I was struggling to hear his voice…it has to be God! I want to hear His voice! No, I need to hear His voice and I need to find my identity.
For the past five years I have struggled to find my identity and to hear my Father’s voice. I’ve spent hours in my room alone with the door closed, on my knees waiting, waiting to hear my Father speak.I’ve spent hours in front of the mirror, asking God what He sees. And I’ve prayed and prayed asking to feel the Holy Spirit.
Training Camp:
“I believe there are some of you who have never felt the Holy Spirit empower you and I believe God wants to do that for all of you tonight”
There I sat on the floor, hugging my knees tightly, twenty two years old, in a dark chapel filled with future World Racers during training Camp.
God, I want this! I need to feel you God. I need to know you’re there.
Heart pounding
I felt scared and anything but peaceful…
Is this the Holy Spirit, it can’t be?
The pastor saying something, worship band playing, people crying,
people laughing, people speaking in tongues, many being empowered
?by the Holy spirit.
Okay God, I’m going to have to fight for this
Please father I want to feel you!
Eyes closed tightly, I start to shake.
Pastor:“Fight off the enemy, block him out, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus"
My whole body is shaking now. Different hands are laid upon me praying for me.
I cry out,"Please Father I want to feel you, I want this so badly!”
Flashes of memories from my past that have haunted me for years start flooding my thoughts…pictures of the things and people I was a slave to.
Pastor:“Block out the enemy!”
I felt God fighting for me. Pulling me in closer! Pulling me through all the awful images of my past.
Shaking uncontrollably I scream out,“That’s not who I am! I don’t belong to you!
I am His! I am the daughter of the Most High King!
And just like that the darkness disappeared and I see my chains shatter!!
I start bawling, tears of immense joy
And with bright light, there comes my Jesus with his hand held out.
The greatest joy I have ever felt!
I’ve been set free!
“Yes Father, Yes Jesus, I’m Yours, I’m yours!”
I grab my Jesus’s hand, I am his beautiful bride. He pauses, zips up all the things of my past, so I could no longer see all the awful images. He takes my hand again and starts to walk me down the aisle.
“I’m Yours, I’m Yours, I’m Yours, I’m Your Bride!”
And as we approach the end of the aisle, there is God seated at the throne. Laughing and clapping, with his arms stretched wide out, with the biggest smile of a proud father.
I have felt the Holy Spirit move, I have heard my Father’s voice, I have been set free, and I am here to tell you that it is good! And the great news is that God wants to speak to you too! He wants you to feel his immense love. Jesus wants to walk you down the aisle to the Father. He wants to set you free! But you have to fight for it! You have to want it! It’s definitely not easy but I promise you, He’s already fighting for you!
Training Camp was incredible. The Lord has graciously revealed so much to me. On the race He is going to challenge me by taking away everything that I had once found my identity in. It’s going to be a difficult year, I’m going to have to Fight! To fight to find my identity, to fight to hear His voice when the enemy is screaming out, and to fight for hope in places of brokenness. But the good news is, I’m not fighting alone! The truth is, I’ve never been fighting alone. He has been fighting for me before I even stepped into the ring. And He’s been fighting for you too! So now I ask:
Have you ever heard His voice?
Have you ever felt the Holy spirit fill you?
Do you know what God says about you?
If your answer is no to any of those questions I challenge you to fight. It won’t be easy but I promise you Jesus will be there fighting with you. And when you come out on the other side, there the Father will be seated at the throne waiting to say, “Good job my good and faithful servant, you have fought the good fight!”
