Confession Number One…I hated training camp. I just couldn’t see myself spending the next 11 months of my life with these people. Sure some of them seemed nice but no one that I could see myself being friends forever with. I hadn’t even left yet and I already wanted to quit. But I didn’t dare say anything. Everyone else looked like they were having the time of their life. Everyone else looked like they belonged. Everyone else seemed to have made a best friend within the first five minutes. Everyone else seemed so eager to talk and text the entire month leading up to launch. At least I grew closer to God that week…that’s all that matters, I told myself. I’m doing this to grow closer to God, not to make new best friends.
Confession Number Two…I really didn’t feel apart of my squad for the first four months of the Race. I dreaded debriefs and travel days when the whole squad came together. Sure I had formed strong relationships with my first team, but I still felt like I couldn’t be myself around the whole squad. I struggled to open up and find my place in such a large group.
Confession Number Three…for too long I viewed community as something that I had to put up with in order to be on the World Race. I viewed team times and feedback as something I just had to get through in order to do what I really wanted to do: to love our contacts, ministry, and the people of that country.
Confession Number Four…I hated feedback. I dreaded it, to the point of feeling sick. Everyday as my team gathered around to give positive and constructive feedback to each other, my mood instantly changed. Playing the day’s events in my head…I hope I didn’t do anything wrong today. I hope no one says anything to me. I hope I didn’t make anyone mad.
It took a while…but I am so truly thankful that God changed my heart. Because it’s so true what everyone says about the Race, community truly is one of the best parts.
For too long I thought I could do it on my own. I thought I could make it through the Race on my own. Which is so stupid. God never intended us to do anything on our own, especially something like the World Race.
I cant even put into words how much I have come to love these 46 people. These people who are so much more than friends but my brothers and sisters. These people who my heart starts to break at the thought of next month and saying goodbye to. I can’t even begin to tell you how much these people have inspired me. How much they have challenged and grown me.
These people who have had their lives wrecked with me…who had their entire worlds’ change in just 11 months. These people who immediately understand at the mention of…rice, bucket showers, squatties, being intentional, speaking life, peanut butter, wifi, travel day, feed back, malaria, free pile, warm showers, chapatti, micros, tuk tuks, hard drives, C&Cs, Ipod worship, no expectations, debriefs, blogging, Nalgenes, Chacos, and reentry. These people, the only people who will ever know what I went through in those 11 crazy wonderful months. These people who I have fallen so in love with.
And it’s funny, once I finally felt comfortable enough to be myself with my squad and to open up, I found that almost all of my confessions listed above were felt by so many others as well.
In one of my favorite songs, Break Every Chain, it goes “There’s an army rising up.” And I just love when we sing it as a squad. I love to look around the room at these people standing next to me, these people, my brothers and sisters. These people who God has chosen. These people in His army rising up.
So now I know why God put me with these people. To run beside me, to encourage me, to challenge me, and to hold my hand as we cross the finish line of this amazing Race!
Future Racers in sticking to typical World Race Culture, which I know I am going to miss so much, I encourage you to chose in. Choose into community. You will be told this at least 1000 times on your Race. Along with community is the best part of the Race but you have to fight for it. And I think the reason we are told this so many times, not just because it really is true, but because it can be really hard at times. There will be times where it will be easy to check out. To not partake in feedback… to be frustrated that you were awoken from your nap for team time. It can be easy to believe the lies, that after 11 months you’ll never see these people again, so why bother getting attached. But if you choose to choose into community, to love these people that God placed you with…I promise it will make your Race and you will leave with some of the greatest friendships. Take it from someone at the end of her Race. Tonight, I write this blog nearly in tears as it is the last night my team will be together, as a few teammates are leaving the Race early. These people have made my Race and they will be apart of my life in some way or form, for as long as I live.
Non Racers. Find a community!! I never knew until the Race how crucial community is for your faith walk. But it truly is. We need one another to help each other fight the good fight. We need one another to finish the Race.
