Dear God,
For so long I didn’t understand…
I didn’t see the good.
How could you do this to me?
How could you take a mother from her daughter?
A daughter who needed her, to help her through the hard things.
I didn’t understand
And I still don’t
But throughout it all, you’ve never left my side…
You never left me alone.
You stood by me when I doubted you.
When I questioned your goodness and if you were even real.
You were my punching bag.
You took it all and asked for more
And when I strayed…
When I left you and chose the things of this world…
Things that I thought would bring me comfort…
Things that I yearned to fill the pain of losing her.
You were never far away.
You never stopped your pursuit .
You knew the plans you had for me…
And you never stopped fighting for me.
You saw the beauty in my brokenness…
And held fast to your promises.
And so now I’m here.
At a point in my life where you and I are one.
Where I’ve tasted what you have for me and want so much more of it.
Where I know with every fiber of my being that the only place I ever want to be in life is in your will.
And although I still don’t understand
And may never understand
I choose to trust
I choose to trust in your goodness
I choose to look back at all the times in my life when you showed up
Every time I wanted to give up
To give up hope
To give up the fight
To give up on you
You refused
You fought for me
And whispered into my ear to trust you
To trust in your goodness and in your plans
Your plans that surpass all understanding
The plans you had for me, before you formed me in her womb
So I don’t need the answers or an explanation
All I need is you
And all you need is my trust
I know there are many challenges that lie ahead…
Many more mountains and heartbreaks.
Because Jesus never promised easy.
I know there are many more days on the race where I’ll want to quit…
Where my heart will break into pieces once more.
Where I’ll question your goodness.
But I know you’ll never stop whispering…
Whispering to me to trust.
I know you will never stop fighting for me
And so I trust in you.
Forever and for always.
June 3 marks the day that my mommy went to join Our Father in Heaven. I can hardly believe its been eight years. And while each year without her has had its trials, God has never stopped being so faithful. Jesus is the happy ending and beginning to my story. And whatever happens in between I know I’ll be okay!
GRACE HAPPENS
