Africa Saved My Life…How saying Yes to God Just Once Can Change Your Life Forever

Rewind 11 months ago…  I in the process of wanting to find myself was desperate for a change of scenery.  So, like so many of the college students around me, I decided that I was going to study abroad.  I would go to Italy and spend a fabulous summer there, admiring the beautiful architecture, laying out on the beach, shopping in little boutiques, and of course eating tons of pasta. Because somehow I thought that was how I was going to find myself.

 

At that point it had never been more evident that something had been missing in my life.  Six years ago I lost my mother to breast cancer.  My mother was my entire world.  Ever since she left me, I had been trying desperately to fill that hole, looking for anything to make me feel complete, but looking in all the wrong places.  For those who know me, know that I have always killed myself trying to be perfect.  I tried defining myself by the things that I did or by the people in my life and what I meant to them.  I was the over achiever. The girl who the word “No” was absent in her vocabulary, at fear of disappointing anyone.  And while I had been saved at the age of seven, I always struggled with letting God define me.  Which now looking back makes sense.  I didn’t love myself…so how could I believe that God, the creator of the universe, looks past my flaws and sees me as beautiful and calls me favored? 

 

And because you always fall short when you measure yourself by the world’s standards, I was at a place in my life where I would look in the mirror and have no idea who I was.  I felt like I had lived the past six years as a spectator in my own life, doing things that I didn’t even know why I was doing, giving my heart away to all the wrong people, constantly comparing myself to others, and consumed with what the rest of the world thought of me.  And as you can imagine this put a huge strain in my relationship with God.  I hated the person I was becoming. I was ashamed of the things I was doing. I put certain things, many things (mainly people), before God.  I couldn’t face Him and so I stopped attending church my freshman year of college.  And while I always believed in God and knew that he was there, he became a distant figure in my life.  Someone I only cried out to when I was desperate.   
 

So there I was, lost, determined to find myself!  It was going to be a summer on my own, venturing out into the world, leaving behind everything I knew… I was going to be fearless and fall in love with life again!
 
Little did I know, God had much bigger plans in store for me than that!  And I am so glad that he did! 

 
UCSD prides itself on having every study abroad program imaginable!  With over thousands of options, they could find a program that suited anyone!  So you could understand my disappointment and disbelief when the search results found ZERO program matches for me!  Little did I know, the distant figure in my life was busy unfolding the plans He had for me.  Italy was NOT going to happen!  And literally out of nowhere my desire to go to Italy was being replaced by a desire to go to Africa!  And not only Africa, but my desire to study abroad was being replaced by a desire to go back into missions. 

God was calling me back!  And while I can’t describe it perfectly, I felt God’s peace overwhelm me and Africa just felt right!  Now, I have always had a heart for missions!  God has graced me with the gift of serving others, it  is my greatest passion!  But AFRICA!!!?  This was something new!  And this is where my new life would begin!  And that is how I ended up on the July 2012 World Race Exposure Trip to Rwanda. 

I had NO IDEA what the World Race was.  When I signed up I literally just thought it was a cool name for a mission’s trip to Africa.  When I finally looked up the World Race (literally a few nights before my trip) and saw that these people go to 11 countries in a 11 months I thought “These people are straight CRAZY!”  And immediately every stereotype came to mind, making me even more nervous about the trip!  Spending a month with a bunch of judgmental, crazy, Jesus Freaks who were clearly out of touch with reality and had a year to just quit school and their jobs, was not what I was looking forward to.  But I quickly realized I couldn’t have been more wrong, except for one thing…they were Jesus Freaks. 

                                           

Jesus freaks who were able to touch my heart, speak truth into my life, and raise me up to be the woman God has called me to be.  Strangers, who in just one month, had more of an impact on my life than people I had known for years.  Strangers who quickly became my family, my brothers and sisters in Christ.  My brothers and sisters in Christ who loved God with all their hearts and with all their souls, who followed Jesus with reckless abandon.  My brothers and sisters who saw being called a Jesus freak as an honor, not something to be ashamed of.  Brothers and sisters, who didn’t let me believe the lies that Satan was feeding me, “That I would NEVER be brave enough or qualified enough, to EVER do something like the World Race!”  Brothers and sisters that the

Lord purposely and full of ever so much intent placed into my life at exactly the right time!

 

Overall, the World Race Exposure trip was a summer where I ventured out into the world, and left behind everything that I knew… I was fearless and I did fall in love with life again! Little did I know God had the same plans that I had for myself 11 months ago…but in a much different form, a much bigger form!  Plans that would entail more than a fun summer in Italy!  He was calling me back home, back into his loving arms, so that I could heal and finally discover who I was.  Plans that would call me to be FEARLESS and live my life to serve Jesus with reckless abandon!  Plans to fulfill my dreams of going out and changing the world!  Plans that would require me to be his hands and feet.  Plans that would require me to be the light to the lost.  And plans that I would never in a million years have for myself!  He controls my destiny! 

And so here I am!  Writing my first blog as a soon to be WORLD RACER!  More confident than ever, walking in the calling my Father, the God of all creation (who looks at me and calls me favored) has for me!  And as I walk into this next season of my life, there is NO confusion about who I am anymore.  I am the daughter of the Most High King…I am defined by Him alone…I am a JESUS FREAK!  🙂   I am a WORLD RACER!!