We are having a leadership development day in Lima, Peru today. The Squad leaders asked me if I would be willing to give a talk. They told me that it could be whatever I felt called to talk about. At first I was taken aback that I had been asked, that my name was mentioned when they were deciding who should give different talks. Right away, however, the word ‘worthy’ popped into my head. That is a lesson that I learned during our month in Bolivia. I knew that I had plenty to talk about on that subject. I was honored to speak to the squad.
Here is my talk:
Before the Race I decided that I was going to think of a word for each country. This word would sum up the month, be a lesson I learned, a way to wrap up the theme of the month in one word. My word for Haiti was hope. This was relatively easy to decide on. I was at Mission of Hope for the month. They encouraged hope throughout the country. Hope that the people of Haiti would rise up and become a powerhouse of a nation, hope that they would overcome the hardships they have endured. Hope is being given to the children of Haiti. They are discovering that it’s okay to dream, and not only dream but to dream big. They can become the doctor, teacher, nurse, or lawyer that they want to become. Hope for Haiti. I wanted to take it a step further and think of a Bible verse for each month incorporating the word I had chosen. My verse for Haiti is Jeremiah 29:11, my favorite: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
My word for Bolivia is worthy. My talk today is why I chose this word.
When I began the Race I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t know enough to be there. I felt like if a test had been given in order to come on the Race, I would have failed miserably. I wasn’t a good enough Christian to be there. Village time was intimidating and uncomfortable. I never had the words to say to the people. I didn’t know the words for the prayers. I didn’t know what they needed to hear. It was hard because I was surrounded by so many people who had gone to school for this. They had been studying the Bible for years and years. I hadn’t.
At training camp, we talked about Moses. In Exodus 3:11-12 it says, “But Moses said to God, ‘Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?’ And God said, ‘I will be with you…’” I found myself being like Moses. I was constantly asking God ‘who am I?’
One day in Bolivia, we were moving stones from the river up to make a stone path throughout the camp. We formed a long assembly line. I was sitting on a concrete wall getting the stones from the person below me along the river and passing them to the people by the wheelbarrows. We decided to make it a little more fun, so we began to toss the rocks instead of just handing them over. The concrete wall is high above the river. So the rocks have to be lifted up to reach the top of the wall where I was sitting. If you know me, then you know that I love a good thrill. Tossing rocks added just enough thrill to make it a little less boring. One rock was just a little too big, a little too heavy, and a little too slippery from the river. As I went to catch it, it slipped through my hands and landed right on my leg. I spent the next 10 minutes or so convinving myself that I was not going to throw up or pass out. I hobbled back up to the kitchen to sit down for a while. I got an ice pack to see if that would help. Amanda was up there doing laundry at the time. During our debrief in La Paz, I had told some of the squad how I was feeling (the whole not good enough thing). Amanda asked how I was doing with that. I told her I wasn’t sure because in Bolivia ministry was easy for me. I love to be outside so the work was fine for me. I knew that I was valuable and I didn’t struggle with it. I told her I would have to see when we had to do more door-to-door evangelism.
What she said next really stuck with me. She told me to see it as a blessing. She said to ask God to see it as a blessing that I didn’t go to church every single Sunday for the past 24 years, to see it as a blessing that I don’t have the background knowledge that so many others have. I was confused. Up to this point I had only seen it as a disadvantage and a weakness. So I asked her what she meant. She told me that we are going to come across so many people that don’t know anything we are talking about. Some people might have a difficult time bringing it down to a level that they can understand. That’s where I could come in. I can keep things simple with them. Speak to them in a way that they will be able to understand. I can relate to them and show them how God is working in my life. In that moment it clicked.
Up to that point I had been asking “who am I?” Who am I to go into the nations and spread the Word when I don’t really know it myself? Who am I to preach to people when I don’t know the stories from the Bible? Who am I? But just like Moses, I was asking the wrong question. You see, it isn’t about who I am. It’s about who He is. I have never doubted the fact that I am supposed to be on the Race. I knew that I was called to this and that He was telling me “I will be with you” just as he told that to Moses.
Imagine if we all had the same knowledge, the same background, the same skills. Together, as J-Squad, we could reach some people. We could help build the Kingdom and it would be great. We could go home at the end of the 11 months feeling pretty accomplished. My story and my background is my story and my background for a reason. No one can tell what I have been through or what I know better than I can. Your story and your background is yours for a reason and no one can tell it better than you. Together we compliment each other. We can bring our varying backgrounds together and reach countless more people than we could if we were all the same. Together we can build the Kingdom even bigger than we thought possible. We are all unique. We all bring different talents and views. We all have different stories and different backgrounds. But we are all equally worthy.
Exodus 4:10-12 says, “Moses said to the Lord, ‘O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.’ The Lord said to him, ‘Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.’”
My word for Bolivia is worthy and my verse is Exodus 4:12. I am worthy. “Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
We are all called. It isn’t a mistake that we were all placed on J-Squad together. It isn’t a mistake what you have been through or what your talents and gifts are. We are all worthy and we became worthy the moment the first nail was driven into the cross. We have never had to fight for or prove our worth.
If anyone is struggling with worthiness I challenge you to ask God. Ask him how you can be used. Ask him to see yourself through his eyes so you can know that your “weaknesses” aren’t a disadvantage but a blessing.
You are worthy. Now go.
